Paradise Hotel, July 22: The Best Laid Plots…by Jeffrey Clinard -- 07/23/2003
When we last left Paradise, Tara had checked into the single room and the couples were living together as follows:
Charla and Scott: Yellow Room
This week's episode begins shortly after the Pandora's Box game where Toni had unthruthfully accused Dave of saying he was smarter than everybody else. While Charla thinks it was wrong for everybody to gang up on Dave like that, the men choose to believe Toni over Dave. Dave and Scott have a brief chat where Dave assures Scott the accusation isn't true, but Scott tells him things get overheard. Charla advises guest Amanda to make up with Beau as both she and Tara want guest Amanda to stay. Guest Amanda responds that Tara and Charla are probably the only two people who want her to stay.
Charla then plots with Tara, telling her that if she picked Zack, Amy would go home. Tara replies that "crap would hit the roof." Tara then goes over to talk to Zack, much to Charla's chagrin. He tells her that she should make a decision and not feel bad about it. He says the other girls aren't mad at her. Hmm… well, last week, Toni wanted to kill her, so maybe that's not an accurate assessment. He tells her that during his first day, he never discussed roommates with anybody, and he ended up in a bad mood. Hmmm… if I remember correctly, he had initially wanted both guest Amanda and Kristin to pick him, but was the last man standing when it came time to pick and ended up with Amy. I don't know why he's complaining since they ended up having sex their first night together. We get a flashback of when he told Amy how surprised he was, though it didn't include his assertion that he was better than the guys guest Amanda and Kristin picked. Selective memory, huh, Zack?
He goes on to tell her that he and Amy are not a married couple, though Tara doesn't believe him. He says Amy doesn't know him (complete with flashbacks to his rant about her not knowing him). He is pleased that Tara will be staying and tells her she's absolutely gorgeous. Tara replies that he's a really cool guy. In confessional, Tara tells us she's learned that Amy thinks she's clueless. Well, she isn't, and she just might go after her guy just to prove it.
Now it's time for Charla and Beau to chat. Beau says he's the number one person who doesn't want guest Amanda to leave. (What? After all that business with Alex and Jason? Must be another case of selective memory.) Charla says she's there to help. She goes into the ladies’ room with Tara and guest Amanda and expresses her frustration that nobody will choose her to stay. She thinks she's smart and knows what's going on, then concedes the other two girls will do what they have to do. Guest Amanda claims Beau doesn't want her to pick him. Tara just thinks that the three of them need to stay. They have a group hug.
Toni and Kristin do their plotting via telephone, with Toni conceding she has no idea who Tara is going to pick. Tara, Charla, and guest Amanda corner Scott, and Tara tells him that she wants guest Amanda to stay. She's not thinking about this week; she's thinking two or three weeks ahead. She goes on to tell him that the guy she picks will determine whether Charla or guest Amanda leaves. Scott tells them that nobody is safe except Tara. The honeymoon is over and it's now truly a game. The original cast is going to get picked off one by one. People are getting together and plotting. The twists and turns are there, and the vacation is over.
The next day opens with a pillow fight between Zack and Amy. He tells her that he thinks there’s more punching and hitting between them than the average guy/girl relationship. It's more like a brother/sister relationship. Uh, I guess that would make it an incestuous relationship, then, Zack. He goes on to tell her he likes to play around, but not all the time. He can't give her a hug without the hitting and punching. "What kind of relationship is that?" he queries. "Are we like, physically attracted to each other, and we physically hook up, or are we just gonna punch each other, and like..." She tells him she's playful, and that's who she is. She also tells him he sometimes makes it hard on her. Amy, that statement has a double meaning, and both fit.
Guest Amanda tells us she can't be around people with whom she has friction. She's not going to be fake and pretend everything is OK. Toni tells her she's been a sourpuss recently. Guest Amanda disagrees, simply saying she was doing a lot of thinking. Toni tells her it's the last time for all of them to be together, but guest Amanda wonders why she should be around if some people want her gone. Toni says she cut herself off. Guest Amanda proceeds to talk about the Pandora's Box game and how she's never gone through anything like that before in her life. It hurt. Flashback to the game with her tears and statements about how she wants to stay. Kristin tells her that her boyfriend showing up was a big joke; they didn't see her during the time he was there, but as soon as he left, she was back on every guy at the resort. She tells her that the guys didn't like being ignored for two days only to have her come back and ask them, “What’s up?” as if nothing had happened. She's always hanging on to somebody.
Guest Amanda tells the girls that she thinks they believe she's hiding things, and Toni interrupts her long enough to tell her she does. Amy also thinks so and thinks guest Amanda is acting stupidly. She didn't think so before Pandora's Box. In confessional, Amy says that her friendship with guest Amanda was the strongest at one point, but she doesn't trust her anymore. Amy tells guest Amanda to her face that she doesn't trust her, especially after Pandora's Box revealed she wanted to rip off Alex's clothes. Flashback to the game, where Alex revealed that information, and guest Amanda told him she was joking at the time. Amy then reveals that she and Zack talked about it in bed, and he revealed guest Amanda had a dream about them together in an elevator. Guest Amanda denies the story and tells her the only sexual dreams she's had were about Alex. Amy asks her if Zack is lying. Guest Amanda says she doesn't know and again denies she ever said anything like that. There is no flashback to contradict her, so I think she's telling the truth. Amy tells her that stories don't match when it comes to her and outright calls her a liar. She says Zack wouldn't make up a story like that, though guest Amanda tells her he's just saying those things to cover his own ass. Amy proceeds to say that she thought she had made a connection with her, but now she knows she didn't. Her parting shots indicate that she didn't lose a friend, but guest Amanda lost a great one. Well, with friends like that, who needs enemies?
Kristin, Zack, and Alex plot next, with Zack thinking Beau should grow some ***** and use them by picking guest Amanda to stay. Amy comes into the room and says that guest Amanda is just a ******* liar. Zack responds by saying the reason they didn't get along was because they both lie and are deceitful. Kristin warns the others Beau is coming in. He enters and questions them on whether they were talking about him. They deny it and suggest he's paranoid. He tells them if people have something to say about him, they shouldn't do it behind his back. Alex tells him they all want guest Amanda to go home, and want to know where he stands. He tells them they know where he stands. Alex storms that everybody wants her out. Beau responds that no matter what happens, he's in a horrible position. Zack tells him guest Amanda is going to hurt him in the end, but Beau says he's going to stick to his word. A flashback of guest Amanda is shown where she indicates the object of the game is to stay and she and Beau are going to help each other in that regard. Beau says that guest Amanda's life is not going to be fun because he has no trust in her whatsoever. Amy suggests they all make it a ******* living hell for her if she remains. Beau again says that all he has is his word, and Zack proceeds to call him a sucker. Beau finally tells them there might be a major twist tonight, and that's all he's going to say. Zack says they’ll see what happens.
A hotel staff member hands each of the ladies a note telling them to pack up because one of them is going home. Tara, Charla, and guest Amanda respond by having a prayer session with guest Amanda pleading with God to let Beau pick her tonight. The other girls suggest she talk to him. She does, with Tara and Charla eavesdropping. Beau starts off by telling her that he got drilled. The others (Toni, Amy, Alex, and Kristin) let him know how many times she's said one thing and done another. He agrees with everything they said. He wonders how she could have kept him going, and yet still he claim to be her friend. He hates it all, and doesn't know what is going to happen tonight. In fact, nobody will know what will happen until Tara picks somebody.
In confessional, Tara tells us she has a lot of control, and that's a good thing. She doesn't feel intimidated; indeed, she feels she has the upper hand. Amy had attitude with her yesterday, but is giving her hugs today, which she finds weird. “Hmm - do you think she might be using me for my position because if I take her man, that might send her home?'" she asks sarcastically. She feels she has a friendship with Charla but not with Amy or Toni. She likes it that way.
The sun sets and host Amanda greets everybody. She tells them that they'll be picking their roommates for the next week. Judging from the faces, she notes that this will be one of the most tense and difficult roommate selections to date. The guests agree. Host Amanda goes on to remind us that one of the original women will be checking out forever. She goes over to Tara, and reminds her that nobody leaves Paradise Hotel without having had a roommate. Since she has never had one, she won't be leaving. When asked how she feels about it, Tara replies she feels bad that one of the other girls will be going home. The other girls don't seem to agree. Now comes the twist. Even though Tara is standing first in line, she's going to pick LAST. The men don't like this at all; nor do most of the women.
Toni has first pick. She tells Beau she loves him, but picks her "safe" choice, Scott. If it means she gets kicked out, then she was never meant to be in Paradise. Guest Amanda is up next. She's not ready to pick, but must do so anyway. She passes up Dave and picks Scott. She tells us that she's been thinking about living with him, and it's something she wants to do. Toni starts to sweat. Amy is asked by host Amanda if she and Zack are the new "married" couple at Paradise Hotel. She suggests that Amy can "divorce" him by picking one of the other men. After pondering Zack, she picks Alex. Zack looks unhappy. Her reason for picking Alex was due to a plan and a strategy. Host Amanda notes that Charla has been living with Scott, but he seems to be pretty popular. Charla declines to add to his popularity, picking Dave, who smiles. She claims she knew she'd pick him all along, and she gets along with him really well. Well, perhaps except for your loathing of his skin touching you, right, Charla? She indicates he's nice and sweet. Kristin is the last original girl to make a selection. She takes Zack, noting she had talked with Amy about it. Amy pipes in that it is cool with her.
Now that all of the original women have picked, you'd think it was Tara's turn, right? Wrong! Host Amanda tells guest Amanda and Toni that they need to resolve the situation with Scott first. This means Tara gets to select which women leaves Paradise forever. Scott tells us his choice is based on what he's seen and heard, and what other people have seen and heard. He tells guest Amanda that over the last few weeks, she's distanced herself from the group. So he's picking Toni. Guest Amanda smiles - she's ended up with Beau and thinks she's not going home tonight. Beau is less than happy, though. So it's time for Tara to pick. Toni looks really worried. Amy doesn't look too comfortable, either. Tara notes that she's probably not the favorite person on campus right now, and ends up picking... Beau. Charla and guest Amanda look shocked. Amy, Toni, and Kristin start hugging each other, but it's hard to tell if they are laughing or crying. We get the flashback of Tara telling guest Amanda and Charla that they needed to stay together. Tara's tells us she picked Beau because she was most attracted to him and she doesn't trust guest Amanda as far as she could throw her.
Host Amanda directs the couples to the couch and tells guest Amanda it must be difficult for her tonight. Guest Amanda tells her she's ready to go home. Her last words are that the others taught her a lot about herself and growing with people. She assures Tara there are no hard feelings. She thanks Beau for all his support and all their talks. Charla just stares daggers; she's extremely put out by Tara's choice. As guest Amanda leaves, her voiceover tells us that Beau has been amazing to her, but she knew Toni, Amy, and Kristin wanted her gone and they got what they wanted. However, it will happen to them eventually. "Karma's a bitch," she assures us. I hope so, Amanda; I hope so!
So it's back to the Los Angeles studio, where host Amanda greets the audience, then introduces the world's most famous hotel guests via satellite. She tells us that week after week, the website has been flooded with applications, and tonight the ladies will get to select one lucky man to get the next ticket to Paradise. The first candidate is a 27-year-old rapper from Miami, Jay Shiano. His audition video shows him rapping and telling us he was born for music and entertainment; it's his life. He loves being onstage and feels more confident in front of ten thousand people than four. His audition cuts to him having fun on a personal watercraft. He thinks he should be on Paradise Hotel because he loves to party; partying is his life (it was music and entertainment a moment ago!). He does it for a living. He also loves boxing, weightlifting, and still running (his video shows him doing both), but he doesn't want to go to Paradise to fight. He wants to go there to have a good time. He goes out onstage and host Amanda asks him if there is any guy at the hotel he wants to get in the ring with. He says he doesn't want to get in the ring with anybody; he just wants to have a good time. He thinks Dave is tough, because he comes from Brooklyn. Dave admits he's from Brooklyn, but says he isn't tough. However, he's pleased at the compliment.
The other candidate is a 23-year-old male model from Columbus, Ohio, Keith Cuda. As he weightlifts and boogie boards, he tells us his only problem in going to Paradise would be figuring out which woman to pick, since they are all beautiful. He always tries to make people laugh, he always goes the extra foot, and sometimes he steps a little overboard. He's not the best cook, but if you give him some sauce and tomatoes, and he'll see what he can cook up. As the video shows him playing basketball, he informs him that one of his best qualities is being a good kisser, because he's Italian. He's told he kisses very well, and it involves taking time, being slow, and giving the girl the attention she needs. After he's introduced on stage, host Amanda asks him with which girl would he like to do a romantic photo shoot. He responds he'd pick Tara or Toni. Both those girls approve of the answer.
Question time. Dave's up first. He notes that Jay is a rapper. "So tell me, why we gonna bring you to Paradise if you're gonna show up, play all girlies, and send one of us kids to the curb?" he raps (poorly). The guests and Jay seem to like it though. Jay responds that to be honest, he just wants to go there to party. Next, Beau notes that Jay talks slow and wonders if it’s because he took a lot of hits as a boxer. Jay replies that he'll put him out in the first round. Zack's question is for Keith. He finds a male model hard to understand (trust me, Zack, I believe it). "If you come to Paradise and fall in the pool, are you going to worry about your makeup coming off?" he asks. Everybody laughs, and Keith tells Zack that he wouldn't worry about his makeup, but Zack should worry about his girl. Now the laugh is on Zack. Zack retorts that to be a model, a guy needs abs, and he doesn't see any on Keith. Keith gets up, takes off his shirt, and reveals a six-pack. Tara is impressed. Zack gets up, pulls up his shirt to reveal his abs, and walks toward the camera.
It's time for the final pleas to the women of Paradise. Keith tells them that there is only going to be one winner and he'll be one Italian Stallion. If he goes to Paradise, he'll make each and every one of the girls his queen. Jay tells them he's there to party and kick it, and he thinks every one of the girls is gorgeous. He wants to sit back, relax, and become a part of their crew. So now it's up to the women to pick between the two men. Toni speaks for the women tonight and tells the two of them they’re both excellent, sweet, and have good hearts. They both have skills, but only one can come to Paradise. That person is... Keith! He says he's excited and ready to go. Host Amanda tells him he'll be spending his first week without a roommate. The men look unhappy because next week, one of the existing men will check out of Paradise Hotel forever. Host Amanda leads Keith to the limousine and reminds the audience people can go from fan of the show to star of the show by going to paradiseonfox.com.
Next time: Keith arrives with the power to kick one of the men out next week. Dave tells us every man in Paradise is worried. Tara makes a move on Beau. Alex and Kristin take a moonlight swim that leads to midnight romance. Toni resumes being a bitch to Dave. It all takes place tomorrow.
Jeffrey Clinard lives in Las Vegas, Nevada, with his cats, Lam and Princess. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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