Big Brother 4, August 26: Burn, Baby, Burn… Clothing Inferno!

Hey there… do you remember everything that’s happened on BB4 since last Thursday night? Good. I won’t have to go into a recap of the first five minutes of the show. I swear these BB4 recaps are starting to get more and more like the recaps at the start of For Love Or Money 2. Hmmm. Recaps wars going on between the rival shows perhaps.

Anyway… we’re at the point after Jee reveals that he took the bribe with pretty much everyone outside. Everyone thinks that Jee has done nothing more than put a target on his back which, let’s face it people, he had on his back since the day he walked in the door and the “original eight” decided that the five exes had to go first. The fact that he then teamed up in an alliance with two of the other exes only goes to show that they were out for self-preservation. As Head of Household, Jee did the smart thing in getting the veto because it guarantees that the people he puts up for nominations stay nominated. It would take a small act of Congress not to mention a few miracles in order to get them to change, right?

We’ll see.

Well, after it was revealed that Jee took the bribe Jun took the opportunity to publicly upbraid him in front of the entire house. Now, would you deliberately piss off the Head of Household right before he has to make nominations? Is that really a smart move on your part, Ms. Jun? She tells him that he did nothing but make a target of himself for the following week and the weeks after.

Let me interject here for a minute because I feel that it’s necessary to remind Ms. Jun (not to mention everyone else in the house) about how the game is really played. There is this little thing you do on Wednesdays called the Head of Household competition. Now, I know Jee can’t compete this week, but something tells me that Robert can because 1) I can’t see Jee nominating him, 2) if Jack is still around after the eviction then something tells me he will choke again at the challenge, and 3) there are no guarantees in this game whatsoever. If Robert does win Head of Household next week, there are going to be some people in the house going, “Oh bleep.” See what I mean about not planning things too far in advance. Personally, just so I can be on record here. I’m pulling for Robert to win Head of Household, if for anything, to put Jun and Alison on the chopping block to watch them squirm.

But enough about me. This recap isn’t about me. Yet.

Jee finally takes Jun aside and asks her why she is being such a complete and total bitch to him. Jun comes up with this totally lame excuse that she was publicly defending him in front of the other HouseGuests. Yeah. That’s what you were doing. Telling him that he’s making himself a target is defending him? Yeah. I can see how that would be the case in the Crazy Mixed Up Backwards World you live in, Jun, but I’m not buying it. Pretty much she tells Jee that he was winning way too much and that taking HoH and POV in the same week is really making him a target.

Okay, let’s chat again… these fireside chats of ours are getting to be a lot of fun aren’t they? Everyone had an equal chance to win HoH last week and are we to blame Jack for the fact that he can’t roll a bocce ball? It was a skills competition and they all had equal opportunity to do their best and the fact that Jee happened to have the best throw only means that at that particular moment he was the best person up for the challenge. As for POV, well, it was simply the best move for him. He had no idea who else would take them up on the offer and what was presented to him was in fact the best offer for him. He didn’t really win POV as much as he took it before the others could agree to it.

Jee smartly considers nominating Jun since she really hasn’t been too much on his side as of late (as far as I’m concerned she hasn’t) and his alliance partner, Robert, would love to see her kicked out of the house as well… or at the very least to make her squirm just a bit. But it’s soon time for the nomination ceremony and if you read our spoiler page then you know what’s happened already but being the nice guy that I am, I’m going to tell you anyway.

We get the obligatory “pondering the photo wall” shot before Jee takes the keys off the wall and does his own version of chucking Justin under the chin… well the picture at least. In the HoH room, he marvels that there’s only three keys left and I have to really wonder if he’s realized that his alliance really doesn’t have the power this time around since he can’t vote and the only person in his alliance that can vote is Robert.

The box is brought out and Jee very forthrightly gets the ceremony rolling by pulling out the obvious key first – Robert’s. Rob grabs his key and pulls out Alison’s. Now, once again, fireside chat for us. Who else is shocked that Alison is still around? Show of hands. Okay. Put the hands down. Who here is not shocked. So we have 42,256,365 who are shocked and only 24 that aren’t. Hmmmmm. Well, shocked or not, Alison takes her key and reveals that Jun is the final person left in the clear. If you remember, Jee did this last time he was HoH by putting Jun as the final key. Erika and Jack, by process of elimination, are the nominees.

We then get a speech from Jee that his move was strictly strategic on his part and it was not revenge for Erika’s nomination. He’s simply breaking up one of the major alliances in the house and doing the best for his own personal alliance. It’s short, sweet, and to the point. Jack says he’s not going to campaign against Erika but for Jack. Erika pretty much says the same thing as well but let’s face it… in a way they really are campaigning against each other but just doing it without calling each other names like “lying, two faced, backstabbing, good for nothing, lowdown, SOB.” Because that’s what I would be doing.

Outside, Robert and Jee are talking as Robert congratulates Jee for how well he handled himself in the nomination ceremony. Alison, who is now the Shemp of the Three Stooges, joins them and they all agree that Erika has to go since she is the strongest of the two nominees but none of them can tell Jun about how they are going to vote since she can’t be trusted.

And Alison can? Oh man. This so smells like Hall of Shame material.

In the hottub, Alison is talking with Erika and Alison assures her that she will be safe and really has nothing to worry about whatsoever. But you know who Alison can’t trust – Jun. No shock there since we’ve seen her say it time and time again regardless of the fact that Alison tries to set up another alliance with her. Erika, however, says she can trust Jun. I don’t think Alison wanted to hear that.

So what does Alison do now… she grabs Jun for some girl talk on the hammock. She tells Jun that Jack scares her (oooh… scary man that Jack!) and openly wonders if he’s throwing competitions. Of course it cracks me up when she later says that if he’s throwing competitions then he sucks but if he’s not then he still sucks. Either way, Jack is a multitude of suckage according to our dear Alison. Finally, though, all three women get together and form a women’s alliance to work to get Jee out of the house the following week. Of course, this requires two things – 1) one of them has to win Head of Household and 2) someone has to make sure that Robert or Jee don’t win the Power of Veto. Other than that. Oh yeah. Simple plan.

Now comes the moment that makes me scream like a little girl and have to run to the bathroom to wash out my eyes. Now, I know you’re thinking about the gnomes but no… it is Hall of Shamer Marcellas Reynolds making another appearance on my TV screen. Now, of course, I do find this very funny that Marcellas is on BB4 because on his website he placed a letter that he sent to yours truly earlier this year (in regards to his induction in the Reality TV Hall of Shame for, primarily, his failure to use the Golden Power of Veto to save himself from eviction) that he was going to have nothing to do with Big Brother 4 and was going to go out having fun and creating drama. Sure enough… here is he on Big Brother 4 reminding us of how “butch” he was during last year’s gnome related competition.

Of course when everyone steps outside they are thrilled to see the gnomes and are reminded of Marcellas but to hear him speak to them they said was something special since it was a new voice. Marcellas reminds the HouseGuests of his love of gnomes – especially his gnome from last year, Boo. Well, Marcellas you loved Boo so much you put him up for auction on eBay. Yeah that’s a special kind of love you have for Boo. Special. Real special.

Anyway, this competition is really about what I would have done had I had won the auction to win Boo – smashing the gnomes. In this special food competition (since there is no regular food competition this week), players must smash open the gnomes and retrieve three gold tickets. The first person to retrieve all three will win McDonalds meals with the HouseGuest of their choice for the week. However, there are a few gnomes that have a black ticket in them. Should you get the black ticket then you are eliminated from the game.

Robert, Jun, and Alison are the first to garner black tickets, which send them out of the game while Erika is quickly racking up the gold tickets and putting herself in an early lead. Unfortunately, she picks up the wrong gnome and, sure enough, whacks herself into a black ticket sending her out of the competition. This, of course, is doubly painful since she already had two gold tickets. So it’s down to Jee and Jack and sure enough Jee finds three gold tickets but holds off on smacking the buzzer for a win because he was actually contemplating letting Jack pull out the win. But finally he just gives in and whacks the buzzer, ending the competition.

Yes, Jee is three for three this week. Jee gets congratulations from Marcellas, who tells everyone they can take a gnome home with them.

So they can sell it on eBay just like he did because when you love your gnome and make such a big fuss over a hunk of ceramic like Marcellas did, that’s what you do. You sell him on eBay.

Alison thinks Jee’s win is fabulous since it made him a larger target than before and somewhat takes the heat off of her for the time being. Meanwhile the girls lament that Jee is getting cocky. No, he’s just playing to win. That’s not being cocky… that’s playing the freakin’ game. And this is a game, if you don’t remember. Jee, however, wonders if his multiple wins is an omen that he won’t be around for much longer. It’s not that’s trying to win or planning on it… it’s just happening that way.

Jack gets the first meal with Jee and Jack makes the egregious error that the Big Mac he ate was the best burger of his life and I have to disagree. Jack, come to NYC and I’ll take you to McHales on 46th and 8th for the best burger you will have ever had in your life. That rinky dink fried burger will pale in comparison. The only thing that really bothers me about this is that they are eating the food in front of all of the PB&Jers so they can smell it as they are having their meal. I at least would have taken it to the HoH room or outside or something. Definitely would not be having it in front of people. Why, that could make your target bigger.

Puh-leeze.

Later that day, Jack is in the hot tub with the guys and he think he’s safe as he’s closer with the Stooges than with the women. However, the women are inside planning their attack to take out the men and be in the finals. They all rationalize that Jee will win if he makes the final two so they have to do something to take him out, and fast. Invoking the Spice Girls (who I never really liked and never really thought they were that talented and has the Thames really recovered from having them fall into it during their horrible film, Spice World?), they call on Girl Power to save the day.

On to a luxury challenge where Jee announces that they have five minutes to get into their outfits and don their war paint. Now, everyone seems to be able to get into their outfits except Jun, who is in her bikini bottoms, and after seeing Marcellas this was yet another moment where I had to gouge out my eyes for a moment. It wasn’t pretty. Not that I would look any better in bikini bottoms but this was truly a little horrifying. After they were appropriately adorned, they had to gather six clothing items that have drawn the harshest criticism from their fellow HouseGuests – Erika’s pink hat which makes her look like… well… it looks like she’s trying to be a Fly Girl from In Living Color but it’s not working for her; Alison’s white hoochie short shorts which appear to be direct from a Nair commercial; Robert’s red tank top, which I don’t think looks that bad; Jack’s black sweat pants whose only crime is making noise when he walks; Jee’s orange shorts which again I see no complaint it; and the most heinous of all, Jun’s mesh shirt, which, when they showed a picture of her in it, made me spill my glass of wine – that’s how horrified I was…

Everyone must sacrifice these items to the fashion gods by placing them in the fire pit outside on the chess board. Erika is up first and she does a wildly sexy, chest-shaking dance worthy of the best pole dancers before ultimately taking Jee’s shorts (no surprise she took Jee) and tossing them in the fire pit before exulting to the fashion gods. Jun takes Jack’s sweats and just tosses them in and Alison makes a comment about how much she loved Jun’s mesh top – in the fire that is. Jack takes Alison’s butt shorts and comments on how her butt is barely covered when she wears them. Now Jee is left with Robert’s tank top and Erika’s hat and he decides to let Robert torch his ex’s hat (which I thing is kinda nice of him) and Erika afterwards says that she thinks she has another one laying around somewhere.

God I hope not.

Their reward, though, is a ninety-second shopping spree of clothes. If they can wear it out then they can keep it. The men opt for the plan the guys used last year of threading as much as they could on their arms while the women just say they will grab things and sort them out later. Jun says she know that’s never going to happen so she is only grabbing for herself. In the end, Alison turns out to be… what else… a bitch about everything. She thinks it was stupid for Jee to take earrings for his girlfriend. Why not? It was for the taking. Maybe you should have gotten something for your “boyfriend.”

Robert and Erika, however, got two items that they really cherish. They appear to be cameos of their loved ones. It lets them have a picture of their family member to look at since those items in the house are in short supply. Jun actually looks kinda good in her new black dress. It looks like it fits her well and looks slimming on her too. Wow. I complimented Jun. First Aunt Donna on The Family and now Jun. What am I thinking?

After the competition, Jack and Erika come up with a plan to get Jee to take one of them off and put up Alison. It’s a smart strategy and even Jee knows that Alison is becoming a threat, however, when the time comes he can’t bring himself to change his nominees and Erika and Jack are left to sit in judgment. Alison says privately that he made the wrong decision – she is like “The Plague” in the house. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Jack appears to be heading out the door if the girls have their way. But someone else is too? Julie Chen, you powerful pivoter you… you have some ‘splainin’ to do… Is somebody else really being tossed, or is it a play on words – will somebody be “leaving” and then coming back, perhaps as part of a luxury competition? We’ll find out.

Want to keep up with important events in the house? Check out our Big Brother 4 Spoiler Page for news on who wins contests and other ongoing info.

C. Brian Devinney hails from New York City and has appeared on The Sally Jesse Raphael Show and MTV's Big Urban Myth discussing reality TV. You can read his other work on his website, Tales from the City, and can contact him at TheRealityFactor@aol.com.

Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find all of our recent Big Brother articles at the Big Brother 4 page and take a look at our sections on Amazing Race 4 and The Osbournes. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store!

For more news about Big Brother, be sure to check out SirLinksALot!