Big Brother 4, The Finale: The Lesser of Two Evils

It’s been nearly three months of heated competition, vicious betrayal, sad goodbyes, etc. So now we spend three hours reliving it. OK, not really, but sometimes it feels that way. First, we have the intro with everybody’s name added back in. Well, except Scott. Almost makes me feel a little bad for him. Almost.

Julie Chen is here for the last time this season. She says that since Rob’s departure, Alison and Jun have claimed ownership of the Big Brother house. This begs the question of “how these self-proclaimed ‘evil bitches’” made it so far. You know, it might have been worth everything just to hear Julie Chen say “evil bitches” on the air.

Cut to shortly after Rob left. Alison says he was a sexist pig. She says she doesn’t want to talk to the jury – they’re sore at her for things she had to do. Oh, pity poor Alison. Gag. She says they have to put back on their fake smiles. Jun privately says that since Alison used her tears, kissed various guys, and crawled into bed with them, it does not bode well for her or how she was raised. Me-ow! Alison says Jun attacked people while in the house and that might not sit well with the others. Me-ow back!

But when they weren’t saying nasty things about each other, Big Brother gave them some champagne to celebrate. They reassure each other that they knew they were going to be in the final two right from the beginning. Oh please. Jun says her best move in the game was allying with Alison. She knew the alliance would work out because they share the same kind of disdain for each other. Heh. To prove it, we see both calling each other evil bitches.

Alison says some feminists will appreciate them for staying together (yeah, sleeping your way to the top, faking tears, insulting people, etc. is appreciated by feminists everywhere). So we get to see more flashbacks of them making their way through the field to the top. Betrayals, flirting, crying, winning, crying, betrayals, the mime, evictions, crying, laughing.

Alison to Jun: If could do it all again, would you? Jun: Yeah, but I wouldn’t eat as much. Heh.

Now the good stuff starts. Julie says the seven evicted HouseGuests who will make up the jury have seen only the few events they were allowed to see in the sequester house (evictions, competitions, etc.). Now they come together to find out who the final juror is and debate the outcome.

Rob walks in. Dana says she is totally disappointed as she wanted him in final two. Well, sure – who would want Alison and Jun?! Justin says it sucks to have to choose between these two. Nathan says Alison totally manipulated him (yes, we know). Jee says she’ll talk her way out of anything and jump into any bed. Heh.

Dana says Alison got lucky. Jack says she’s not in the finals because she was lucky, but because she remembered that there are no rules about how to play this game. She used everything in book to win – Dana looks in the opposite direction as Jack goes on about this. Clearly, she doesn’t want any credit to be given to Alison.

Nathan says Jun is a snake. Erika says Jun launched too many personal attacks and Rob says he cannot forgive the evil things she says. She talked about everybody every day. Jee says she’s brutally honest. Um, Jee, there is honest and then there is nasty. She’s not honest – she’s just plain nasty. He also says she’s highly intelligent.

Erika chimes back in that Jun should not win this game because she let Alison do her dirty work for her. Dana says Jun sat back and laughed while the others went at each other. True in both cases, but those are also valid strategies. In fact, I fully expected Jack, Dana, and Nathan to make use of those strategies since they were the only ones in the house without an ex. Nathan even said he planned to sit back and let others fight it out! None of them did!

Justin says you have to ask if you can respect the way either played the game. That’s what he thinks is important.

Next we get our first glimpse of what members of jury are thinking as they prepare to cast their votes:

Jack is basing his vote on who he thinks played intelligent, savvy, wise game. (From his previous comments, this would seem to indicate that he’s voting for Alison.)

Rob says both did whatever they had to. But he’d rather vote for the turtles. Heh.

Justin says he has to vote for one of the two floaters and he doesn’t respect the way either played.

Nathan says he was backstabbed by Alison and did not have the best relationship with Jun.

Erika is trying to keep her personal feelings about them out of it.

For Jee, it’s all about strategy.

Dana says they both lied, both floated, and both did things she wouldn’t have done. Um. This is the same Dana who agreed to be in the Originals alliance and then floated on over to the Exes, lying in the process. It’s truly amazing how jury members become saints once they’re out of the house. Anyway, she says she’s voting for the lesser of two evils.

Now the jury gets to ask each of the finalists one last question before they vote. We see Alison and Jun sitting in the living room, fake smiles plastered on their faces and all.

Dana asks Alison why she thinks she should get Dana’s vote. Alison says it’s because of way she played the game. She put herself strategically in the best place she could be in, won competitions, and worked hard. Moving on, Dana asks if Jun has any regrets? Jun says the only regrets are having gotten into fights with people and having to show the nasty side of Jun. Um, having to show it? It’s not like you went out of your way – it was on display every single day.

Nathan says hello and gets a big fake smile from Alison. Ick. He says she kept a secret from him when he Vetoed her about her and Justin having an alliance. Why? What an idiotic question. Anyway, Alison says she didn’t think his knowledge of that alliance would help her – it would have hurt her. He wouldn’t have wanted to be partners. Nathan agrees that this is true. OK, then why did you ask the question?! He moves on and asks Jun why she jumped with Dana to the Exes instead of staying with the Originals. She says she knew Dana was pretty set on jumping and if she didn’t go with her, she felt she would be standing alone and vulnerable. The Dark Side was strong, Nathan and Alison were strong, she wasn’t sure what else she could do.

Justin’s next, asking Alison what her most dishonest moment was. Jeez, this could take a while for her to sort through them all! But she picks one and goes with it, saying that when she joined with Jee and Rob, they wanted her to vote out Erika and keep Jack, but she felt that would not have made her safe and was actually dangerous to her standing. She says she sort of warned them but in the end she lied. Jeez, that was her most dishonest moment?! So then I guess her boyfriend should know that her flirting and making out with Nathan was less dishonest than that. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled. Anyway, Justin then asks Jun if cooking was part of her strategy. She says she did use the kitchen as part of her strategy. Eating habits tell a lot about people, she says, and she could also custom prepare meals for people who had picky eating habits, thus getting her in good with them. She also used the kitchen as a vantage point to watch people come and go.

Jack asks Alison, during the week she was HOH, why did she lie about nominating Justin (they thought she would, but she didn’t). She says she didn’t want them to know she had an alliance with Justin. Seems simple enough. He says to Jun that he was in an alliance with her, so at what point did she decide to evict him? Jun says she never had an official alliance with him – it was more unspoken. (I guess she wanted a signed contract like the one she has with Satan to sell her soul.) She says she felt she was better off with Alison and also felt that he was throwing competitions.

Jee asks Alison if she feels she has been honorable in the game. She says there were times when she was honorable and times when she wasn’t. (Sure. About one minute total of the first, and the rest falls into the second.) She says she had to lie to move further in the game, which was why she came here. He then asks Jun what makes her more deserving? She says she hates to say this, but she did not use the (ahem) powers of persuasion that Alison did. Did not kiss people or crawl into bed with them or the like. Alison does not look happy at this answer, but the jury members are laughing it up. She ends by saying maybe she was more honest and honorable.

Erika says to Alison that Alison said she could not vote for somebody who told her she was safe and then voted her out. So how Alison expect Erika to vote for her? Alison says that even Erika admitted while she was there that she rode on Alison’s coattails. If she had not voted her out, she would have been handing her the entire game. (Which is true – Erika would have won easily.) She says she worked really hard and feels like she’s not getting any credit. Awww. Poor Alison. Moving on, Erika asks Jun if personally attacking everybody was part of a strategy or if she really feels that way. Jun says part of dealing with stresses is finding humor in things. What she finds funny is to make personal attacks. She says when she sees the tapes, she’s sure she’ll see other people saying bad things about her too. Erika and Rob say that was a horrible answer, and they’re absolutely right.

Rob is next, switching the order and asking Jun a question first. He wonders if she planned to stick to any alliance or did she plan to float all along. She says that coming in, she knew eight people was too large an alliance (absolutely correct). She knew her alliance with Dana would be short-lived (the impression I get here is that she knew Dana was not long for the house). When she joined the Dream Team (funny how she doesn’t call them the Stooges) she knew that would be short-lived as well because she was the last one in (also correct). Rob asks Alison how long she and Jun were in an alliance and how they kept it together. She says she asked Jun when Nathan was “taken” from her. Oh please. Taken?! She then says that she proved herself superior to Jun intellectually, physically, psychologically, etc. and thought that she therefore had a good chance against her at the end. Rob nods and calls it a good answer.

The two women get to make some final statements. Jun says both of them are strong women and she had to make choices about who to hurt and who to leave alone each week. She hopes the jury looks at the differences between their games and votes for her.

Alison says that before they cast that vote, they should ask themselves what a player is. There is a major difference between them. Alison says she won competitions, Jun didn’t. For five out of the ten weeks, she made it impossible for herself to be evicted.

After the link between the jury and finalists is cut, Jun says Erika seemed a little upset. She can’t understand what Erika is talking about – she did it to everybody and everybody else did as well. Alison snidely says that no, not everybody did. Uh, okay, maybe not Michelle and Amanda and Dave, but I sure hope Alison isn’t implying that she wasn’t like that!

We get another shot of listening to the jurors in Diary Room segments as they consider their votes:

Jack says Jun played a smart game and Alison played a terrific game for endurance, stamina, and guts. It’s a tough decision.

Dana says Alison played them all. She hesitates and then says she might deserve to win for that.

Nathan says they all lied and said bad things, so he can’t frown on Alison’s disrespect. Oh please. Nathan, come to your senses, man!

Justin says Alison overcame the odds but Jun had a solid gameplan.

Jee says Alison was a strong competitor and deserves to win because of that.

Erika says Jun personally attacked people and she doesn’t deserve to win because of that.

Rob says he is voting for the person he least likes but who played the game better, so he knows he’s being fair.

Each HouseGuest chooses between two keys. They have their name on the handle and hidden in the box is the name of the person for whom they are casting their vote.

In an amusing turn of events, after casting their votes, the HouseGuests are sequestered in individual rooms and shown the entire season. Unfortunately, this violates the Geneva Convention against cruel and unusual punishment and the entire show is shut down. OK, not really, but that’s a lot of tape to watch! Many of them are surprised at what went on behind their backs. For example, Rob watches Erika early in the season talking about how horrible he is. Erika sees Jun say she has the worst fashion sense. Nathan yells, “Nate, don’t do it!” at the TV when he’s about to watch himself Veto Alison. Heh.

On a more serious note, Jee sees Erika call him a “[bleep] Korean piece of [bleep]” and is not amused. Dana sees Jack say she’s not smart and has the sex appeal of a buzzard’s crotch. Heh, I gotta tell you, that still cracks me up. She also sees herself being called “Mantroll” and sees Alison talk about “Mantroll and the Midget” and how they’ll have ugly babies, etc. Justin calls Alison a monster after watching that segment.

With all the secrets out, they reunite again, including the other three (no Scott, of course) to give each other the opportunity to confront one another.

We start with Michelle, who says she doesn’t know where begin. All of them except for the Exes hurt her more than they’ll ever know!! Oh, get over it. She continues that she knows she’s young but she’s sorry, that was horrible, she was traumatized. At this point I just want to reach into the TV set and smack her. I mean, come on. This isn’t freaking Barbie Playhouse. What the hell did she expect? She whines on, saying she didn’t think there was even a 1% chance of being booted. Wah, wah, wah. You lied to my face. Wah. Wah. Wah. Jack finally says Jee shouldn’t have nominated her! Two points for Jack! Now be quiet, Michelle.

Dana says she had an issue with the namecalling. Ya think? She says she was especially surprised at Jack and Erika; she didn’t think they were like that. We get to see Jack’s “buzzard’s crotch” comment again. Thank you, producers! Erika says it was strategic but Dana correctly points out that it was in private in the Diary Room. Erika tries to claim that there was somebody else she was talking to. Um, yeah, a producer. So what? Horrible attempt at defense there, Erika. But she continues, claiming it was playing the game.

Jack apologizes and says he doesn’t feel that way at all. In a separate Diary Room segment filmed afterwards, Jack says when he was younger, he found a buzzard attractive and that’s what he was thinking of. Riiiight. Heh.

Jee says he has a serious issue – Erika’s uncalled for racial slur, mentioned above, along with “Fresh off the boat [bleep] immigrant” added in at the end. He says he was blown away. She says the first two weeks she was not herself and she said it out of anger. She completely apologizes and in another Diary Room segment like Jack’s, says she truly doesn’t feel that way, that her own grandparents immigrants, etc. She apologizes again and Jee says he’ll just have to take that.

Rob says that David and Amanda shocked him – he can’t believe they had sex on this show! He further tells Dave that Dave never thanked him for that – apparently Rob was the one who got the ball rolling to get the HOH room. Plus he got the wine, condoms, etc. So Dave thanks him. Amanda is just plain embarrassed. Michelle, though, was disgusted. It was national TV! Oh please. Grow up, please. She says David is no longer welcome in her house because her daddy said so. Harumph! She can’t even consider him a friend now. Um, why? Because he had sex? Honey, he’s had sex before. It wasn’t like it was a direct slap at you or anything. Please, get over yourself.

Justin jokingly calls Jee on his alliance with Jun that Justin never knew about. Jee says his friendship was always genuine and his loyalty was always to the guys. The thing that really got Justin was that Jee and Jun would fight all time and it was all just for show. Jee says he was trying to use her but she got the best of him. Nathan says Jee was the better man, she’s a really shallow person.

Rob says the thing with Alison that surprised him was that she talked so much in the Diary Room and said personal stuff about his family and daughter. Justin says she must really want the money, but if you don’t care what others think, that’s it. Jack says it was always a game. He will talk to both women and congratulate them. Well, that makes one person.

Now all ten are brought out to be with Julie. She says to Dana that Dana had said previously that it was a bonus meeting Justin. Now that they are both out, is there a romantic future? Dana says they don’t talk about it, they just take it day by day and enjoy each other’s company. Justin, how do you feel about it? The same wsay. He says the sky’s the limit once they’re out, and they are compatible, but geography works against them. Julie wishes them luck.

Julie says that Michelle had said she would never speak to David again. Will that hold true? Well, Michelle says she already has. (Yes, we know, we saw it just a few minutes ago.) She says it’s hard not to when he is there next to her. She says it’s a little awkward but she dealt with it. (By bitching and moaning about how disgusted she was…) What about beyond this? If he’s lucky, she says. Dave retorts that it’s really if she is lucky. You tell her, Dave!

The next couple under scrutiny is Rob and Erika. Julie says that while they were in the house, Rob said he wanted to be friends with Erika on the outside. Does that still hold? Yes. Just friends? Yes. Erika nods vigorously at the second answer.

So, will Amanda be moving to California to pursue David? No. David fake screams in anguish. He then says there is no reason she should change her life.

Julie asks Nathan if he will speak to Alison again. No. Really? Well, we’ll see. She says he seems to have a forgiving heart. He says he can forgive some things, but some of the stuff she said in the Diary Room was unforgivable. Yeah, right. He’ll be chatting with her once a week, just you wait and see.

Jee, do you forgive Erika? He says he already has. She spoke out of anger and he hopes she learned from the mistake.

Jack, will the FBI take you back? He says they’ll never want him back, especially after he was a strawberry.

It’s finally time to trek on into the house with the voting box. They ring the doorbell. Ding dong. And the two ding dongs answer the door. They chit chat to an awkward moment of silence while waiting for official word to start.

Dana votes first, but my idiotic local channel kept on going with a local bit rather than cutting back to the show on time. Luckily, Sting7’s local channel was operated by people rather than untrained monkeys, so I can still tell you what happened. Dana says she lost a lot of respect for both of them after watching the tapes (yeah, like she had any for Alison to begin with). But they did make it to the end. She’s going to choose the lesser of two evils and bring it back to New York. She votes for Jun.

Justin is next, saying he is disappointed in the way both played, but he’d rather be stabbed in the front than the back. He votes for Jun.

Nathan is also disappointed, saying he expected comments like those in the Diary Room from Jun, not from Alison (which only goes to show how much wool she pulled over his eyes). He votes for Alison. Nathan, Nathan, Nathan. She still has you under her spell, doesn’t she?

Jack votes for Jun. Huh?! He says she was absolutely the smartest player in house. Yeah, her and that “photogenic” memory. Ugh.

Jee congratulates them both. He says he has to give them credit because he wouldn’t have been able to sacrifice respect for others to win anything. Ouch – nice backhanded compliment there. He votes for Jun.

So at this point, Jun has already won. But they have to pretend it’s not over yet.

Here is a confusing vote. Erika says that she had said she would give it to the person who kicked her out. So she votes for Jun. Huh? Alison kicked her out. And I thought she had said previously she wouldn’t give a vote to the person who kicked her out! The only thing we (RNO writers) can think of is that perhaps “the vote” is not the “it” in question. Maybe she’s “giving it to her” in a way more reminiscent of giving her the finger or screwing her.

Rob also votes for Jun to win.

So it’s a landslide! Jun wins it 6-1! So there is cheering and congratulations all around and… wait. Silence. You can practically hear crickets chirping. Even Julie says it’s awfully quiet in there. Nobody is leaping up to congratulate Jun. Nobody seems to care.

To break the silence, Julie says Jun’s ex, Bob, is waiting outside. And for Alison, her mom and dad (no boyfriend, what a shock). They run to the door and Alison congratulates Jun on the way out. Alison hugs her mom and dad while Jun hugs Bob. Awww. A male voice says he’s so proud of her, but I can’t tell if it’s Bob or Alison’s dad. If the latter, ew! Proud of her?! Ick. The other HouseGuests are just kind of standing around.

Then it’s time for Jun and Alison to talk to Julie Chen. Julie congratulates Jun on a game well played. Then she asks about what just went on when nobody congratulated her. Alison says the others hate her and Jun. (Well, who can blame ‘em?!) Jun says they didn’t really want either to win and would have rather chosen somebody else. (Again, who can blame ‘em?!) Julie asks if that hurt the moment. Jun says a bit. Alison says it’s just a game and they lost their concentration. She says they aren’t like this in real life. Oh please. Julie asks if they can blame the others for their response. Alison says no, they lost, and they saw the Diary Room stuff before she and Jun had a chance to. She ends by saying all of them will be hurt by this.

Jun says she can’t wait to see Bob (since she was torn away from him by producers for this final interview). Julie has a message from Alison’s “boyfriend.” It says congratulations on a great-played game. As her greatest judge and critic, he thought about her morning and night, both good and bad. But she never ceased to amaze him. Alison says she I loves him so much (yeah, that’s why she was saying yesterday that if he didn’t buy her jewelry, he was outta there). Julie points out that the message is a little ambiguous. Alison says it’s okay, that’s enough for her.

Moving back to the game, Julie says to Jun that she and Alison had an alliance but didn’t particularly like each other. Honestly, will they be friends after this? Jun says no. They needed each other then. Alison says she couldn’t have made it this last week without her, but I think Jun meant “needed” as in “for the game,” not personally.

So, who will Alison remain closest to? Jun. (Which is rather an odd answer given that Jun just said they would not be friends.) Not Justin? No. She won’t speak to him. (Yeah, because I’m sure he just can’t wait to spend some free time with her.) Jun wants to keep in contact with Jack because he gave her some credit.

Once more Julie gathers the HouseGuests in front of the house and says it’s been a memorable summer. She congratulates them all. As they leave, Jun finally gets a couple of congratulations, but not much. The camera pulls back to the TV in the Big Brother house. It pulls back further in the living room and we see the mime with milk and cookies watching the end. OK, I gotta say, that’s an amusing way to end the show. And it needed something considering who the final two were!

Before we say goodbye to this season (and I still have to write “Why Alison Lost” and “Why Jun Won,” but those are more specific), let’s quickly discuss what we saw in this episode. As we were watching, we saw some bizarre things, like Dana giving reasons why Alison should win. But remember that we only saw what the producers wanted us to see of those discussions and Diary Room segments. I’m sure all HouseGuests were asked, “Why should Alison win? Why should Jun win?” Then they took those snippets out of context to make it sound like Dana, for example, was saying there was a valid reason for Alison to win. That’s almost certainly why she hesitated, because she was trying to think of an answer – any answer! It was such a landslide that they had to keep us around for the whole thing thinking that it could go either way.

So Jun has won. As much as I’ve slammed her, I’ll still offer my congratulations. She deserved both the slamming and the congrats. And already they have been advertising for Big Brother 5. Let’s hope they go back to strangers rather than exes, and maybe they can cast a few more people like Jack and David and a few less like, well, Alison and Jun. On that note, we’ll say goodbye to Big Brother 4.

If any HouseGuest (yes, even Alison or Jun) is reading this and would like to give their side of the story, please e-mail me and we’ll work out an interview.

David Bloomberg is the Editor of RealityNewsOnline and can be reached at RNO@pobox.com.

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