Paradise Hotel, September 23: Twisting in the Wind

It’s a SPECIAL NIGHT and at a SPECIAL TIME, I am so ready to watch Paradise Hotel! How can you not be excited about this show? Nobody puts the “ho” in “hotel” like FOX. Oh, come on, you know it’s true. You also know that it’s true that if Fox thought they could get away with using that as the advertising tagline, they would.

The Deep Voiced Announcer gives us a recap of last week’s show. The guest count is dwindling, tensions are escalating, and Charla is not interested in kissing Dave. And then he recaps the last roommate selection. I know the ratings haven’t been great, but come on, the viewers watching this TWO HOUR SPECIAL EPISODE on a SPECIAL NIGHT and at a SPECIAL TIME already know this stuff. Geez. But anyway, at the last roommate selection, Tom was eliminated by Charla, who chose Dave over him. And then Host Amanda laid a shocking twist on the guests. As if we didn’t see that coming. She asked Tom who he’d like to have leave Paradise with him; Tom chose Dave. But Host Amanda whipped out a little gold envelope and told Dave that although he thought he was eliminated by Tom, she never gave Tom that power. Dave got the gold envelope (and the power) and eliminated Beau. Beau took this like a champ and starts bellowing about how Dave lied to him. Dave tried to defend himself and technically, Dave was probably right, but Dave should also have known by now that there are very few guests in Paradise who care about technicalities. At the end of the recap, we get a clip of Amy stating that, at this point, she trusts Keith more than Dave and then a clip Scott telling Dave that he’s annoyed that Dave had to think at all about whom to eliminate at the ceremony.

And then the Deep Voiced Announcer previews tonight. How far will the guests go to stay in Paradise? Seven guests remain, but only one couple will win THE ULTIMATE PRIZE. I find it very amusing that Fox is using graphics similar to those used for a monster truck and tractor pull. SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!! THE ULTIMATE PRIZE AND TRACTOR PULL!!! Maybe THE ULTIMATE PRIZE is a monster truck and tractor pull. You never know. This is Fox, after all.

As if the Deep Voiced Announcer wasn’t annoying enough, here comes the theme song. This is followed by the Dramatic Rain Montage accompanied by some cheap horror film music. Has anyone besides me noticed that they show the exact same rain shots in every episode? I’m sure it rains a lot, couldn’t they take two seconds to film it more than once? Charla tells us that she can’t believe that the Barbies are all still at Paradise Hotel, but doubts that their luck will continue and believes that Amy will win. Oh, Amy, you are screwed, baby girl. A guest getting picked by Charla to win is like a football team getting picked by Lee Corso on ESPN GameDay. They’re toast.

Speaking of Amy, it’s time to hear what Amy thinks. Amy tells us that this is the first time she is really, truly alone at Paradise Hotel. She’s been struggling since Zack left. Each week gets more difficult. What does Amy do in a difficult situation? Engage in verbal abuse! This week, Dave has drawn the short straw. She wants to know why Dave didn’t send home “the person you really wanted to send home” instead of Beau. Even better, she berates him in front of Scott, saying that Dave told Beau that he wanted Scott to leave before Beau. Dave clarifies – he meant that, but only in the sense that when he sent Beau home the first time, he really wanted to send Scott, but caved to popular opinion. Hasn’t he learned yet? Subtleties, technicalities, finesses – they’re all irrelevant in paradise. Amy responds by screaming that she doesn’t want to hear that – she’s “yelling” at Dave and he can’t turn this on her. Dave sighs and says that Amy hates him “yet again” and when she gets angry, she directs it at him and Keith. Maybe that’s because Dave and Keith have been rather efficient at kicking her friends out of Paradise Hotel.

Hey! It’s Tara’s birthday! Dave and Charla plan a surprise party to be held at the disco. What’s Tara doing? She’s in her room cuddling with Keith, who’s talking about how he wants to kick everyone out so that he can survive and win. Tara muses that “it’s a dog eat dog world and a dog eat dog hotel.” Ain’t that the truth, sweetheart. Dave has decided that Tara’s birthday is another opportunity to write a horribly cheesy song. Continuing the dog train of thought, not only is the song a dog, but I’m surprised that my dogs aren’t howling at the sound of his singing. Given how hard he tries, he must sound a whole lot better in his head than he does in the real world. Wait! His song is to the tune of the Paradise Hotel theme song! The horror! The horror! Charla is confused, then horrified, then walks away.

Scott is sick and in bed. Everyone is bummed that he’s sick, but the show, I mean party must go on! Tara is surprised! Dave and Keith sing the cheesy song. Everyone laughs and looks like they need another drink. Tara gets a present. It’s a Barbie doll and dress up set. Heh. She loves it. Heh heh. She tells us that she really appreciated the party that Dave, Keith, and Charla threw for her; she really misses her mom, who’s been bed ridden as the result of a car accident, and the party really cheered her up.

Back at the party, we find out that Amy’s not the only one who can dance – Charla can shake her booty, too! Wow! That’s unexpected! And then Keith does his best Chippendale/Bachelorette Party Stripper act for Tara as her birthday present. She lies down on the dance floor while he grinds, shirtless, over her. I’m not kidding. If I didn’t know they were at Paradise Hotel, I’d think he was the entertainment for a bachelorette party in Peoria. Holly and Amy laugh at the spectacle with horrified looks on their faces. The dancing may be over, but the party sure isn’t for Tara and Keith. They engage in a little smoochy, smoochy action under the covers. All that was missing was the Joe Millionaire subtitles. What strikes me as odd is how Fox chose to play up the romantic relationship between Amy and Zack, but isn’t showing much of the romantic side of two people who they’ve chosen to edit as protagonists. Go figure.

After commercial, we see a belly dancer arriving at breakfast, which is coed today. Dave, who is drooling prodigiously, decides that that was the “best letter entrance ever.” As he lustily stares at the belly dancer’s, um, assets, he reads the letter – it’s a costume ball, followed by Pandora’s Box! The butler arrives, bearing presents for the guests. The girls get scanty belly dancer/harem girl costumes, the guys get shiny outfits that look like the production staff mugged the cast of a high school production of 1001 Arabian Nights. Tara looks at her costume and raises her eyebrows at the lack of fabric. Keith looks at her and says, “Whatever. You’ve had on less than that.” Heh.

Faster than Jeannie can cross her arms and blink, it’s time for the costume party. There are lots of sexy belly dancers, each of whom came equipped with a snake. The snake gets near Keith and he jumps up and screams like a little girl. I guess we know why he’s on Paradise Hotel and not Survivor, although Osten did the same thing on the latter show last week anyway. The other guests call him a “wuss” for his snake phobia. Sensitive bunch, these Paradise Hotel folks.

Dave puts a snake around his neck. And then, so does Charla, who then really gets into the act and starts belly dancing with the snake. I told you the girl could move! She then starts telling Dave how she really liked the snake (and apparently eye shadow, too – who did her makeup, Tammy Faye Baker? Yikes!). She really dug the feeling of the snake moving on her skin. Fox cuts to a flashback of her saying at Pandora’s Box that she doesn’t like Dave touching her. Ouch. The party continues, with the female guests belly dancing for the male guests. Let’s just say that rhythm isn’t Holly’s middle name. Amy’s not bad, though.

Well, if the costume ball is over, it’s time for Pandora’s Box. First up is Amy, who is asked if she still wants Keith out of the hotel. You betcha. Tara’s next. Who would Tara rather send home, Amy or Holly? Amy, because of all the “riff raff” this summer. Wait, I thought that Amy was the riff raff. Either way, it’s the same result, I guess. Charla’s turn. Has she tried to seduce any of the guys here and been turned down? She admits to trying to seduce Scott and getting turned down. Holly’s eyebrows go sky high. Scott confirms that she made an attempt. Interestingly, she doesn’t mention the play she made for Keith. Could it be because her girl Tara is now his bed buddy? Or, could it be because she doesn’t want to set off Dave’s jealous bug? Who knows? At any rate, she heads up to the box to ask the next question, muttering “seduced” under her breath.

Dave’s up. What was the reasoning behind sending Beau home and would that theory apply to anyone here? Dave morphs into Strategy Boy and says that he hopes that the people he’s saved (read: Scott) will hopefully have his and Charla’s back more than Beau and Amy would have. And then he gets diarrhea of the mouth and says that he could have easily taken Scott or Keith out. Keith’s ears perk up and he turns to Scott and asks if Scott really thinks that Dave would have taken Keith out. Dave interrupts and says that it was “in his mind” to take Keith out. Keith’s head whips around he asks incredulously, “You would have taken me out over Scott?” Dave, who finally realizes he’s in a bad situation, wavers, “Well, I don’t know what I would do.” The drama level rises as Keith gets asked if it will be as easy for him to eliminate Dave as it was for him to eliminate Zack. Keith, ever the ruthless player, replies that if, at the end, it was between him and Dave, “Hell yeah, it would be easy.”

After Pandora’s Box, Dave and Charla retreat to their room to whisper about how they feel badly for Keith and Tara because of the treatment Keith and Tara received at Pandora’s Box. Dave and Charla also decide they need to reach out and reconfirm the alliance. Charla believes that Tara and Keith have been excluding them; Dave worries that Tara and Keith might take them out. Over in Tara and Keith’s room, Tara and Keith are pissed off about Dave’s comments at Pandora’s Box. Back in Dave and Charla’s room, Dave theorizes that Keith is too smart to take Charla out, as he knows that it would “all be over.” Charla flicks her hair and says that if Tara got booted she wouldn’t take Charla with her.

It’s time for Dave and Keith to have a heart to heart in the pool. Keith can’t believe Dave’s comments at Pandora’s Box. Dave admits that he lied to “save face” and asks, sarcastically, if Keith wanted him to reconfirm the alliance in public and weaken their position. Keith says not to worry – he’s there to win. And then he cackles evilly. You know, I really wouldn’t be surprised to see Keith on a soap opera in the next few months. He’s got the looks and I’ll be damned if he doesn’t have the evil cackle, too.

The next morning, Keith is in the shower bellowing Tara’s name ala Stanley in A Streetcar Named Desire. Tara fills the trash can with cold water and dumps it over the shower door on his head. He screams in pain. Heh. She then starts running around the room and wipes out on the water she spilled all over the marble bathroom floor. Heh heh.

Next is a quiet, ladies only breakfast. Everyone thinks they’re going home tonight. Charla tells Amy that Amy isn’t going home; Amy disagrees and declares that she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Ignoring her, Charla says that the stairs out of the hotel aren’t the walk of shame; they’re the walk of freedom.

After breakfast, Tara asks Charla if Charla really thinks that Amy is going to stay. Charla replies that she thinks that Amy will win and that she (Charla) will be going home tonight. Amy and Scott have a little chat by the pool and Amy notes to Scott that the two of them are barely hanging on and that it could go a million different ways. Well, actually, Amy, there’s only seven people left, so it could really only go a few ways, but why be reasonable when you can be a drama queen?

Tara and Charla decide to “practice” leaving the hotel and making the walk of shame. Charla pretends to be Host Amanda and Tara prances up the stairs, limping a little from her earlier wipe out. Dave freaks out when Charla starts pretending. It’s sad, really, his unrequited love for her. Then Tara follows with a hilarious and dead on imitation of Host Amanda – “yhew mussst leahve parahdihse foevah.” Heh. Charla prances out and Tara runs after her screaming like Amy. Hilarious. Maybe these two have a future in soaps, too.

Amy tells us that she wants the prize to go to someone who deserves it. She just doesn’t feel that Charla and Tara deserve to win. Oh, but Holly does? Amy doesn’t think that Keith deserves to win, either, but maybe Dave does. She certainly wants to win.

Tara and Charla discuss Dave’s “odd” behavior. Tara thinks that Dave is going after her and Keith. Tara tells Charla that she knows that Dave wrote the question she got asked at Pandora’s Box and she feels like he put her on the spot. Charla doesn’t know why Dave would go after Tara. Tara does – she thinks he wrote the question so that Amy know would know what Tara thought, so if Amy got the power to choose, Amy would send Tara home instead of Charla. It’s this kind of comment that really makes me think that Tara is smarter than she looks. She’s probably right – that’s probably exactly why Dave wrote that question.

Scott tells us that the women are nervous. He then asks Holly if she’s nervous. Apparently she is, because she is a stone cold bitch to him. They bicker. He leaves. They both mutter under their breath. I guess they are a real couple after all.

Dave asks Charla if Tara and Keith are pissed at him. Charla explains that Tara and Keith think that Dave is turning on them and think that they are being excluded by Dave and Charla. Dave replies by stating that Keith would send him home. Charla asks if he’d be mad and take it personally. Dave says he would – he’d feel the same way if she did it. Charla says that her doing it would be different – they’re teammates. Dave replies that Keith and he have agreed that they’re teammates until the final four.

It’s time for roommate selection, with a little techno music soundtrack. Host Amanda appears, wearing a hideous green and brown dress. My eyes!!! My eyes!!! We get her standard speech about choosing. Blah blah blah. Amy is up first. She walks toward the guys and Fox cuts to a shot of Host Amanda shocked – eyes bugged, mouth open – it’s not a pretty sight. And then they go to commercial. Jerks! Who did she pick – Dave? No, my money’s on Keith. I’m sure her heart told her to pick Scott, because he would certainly pick her over Holly, but I think she picked Keith.

After commercial, we return to tribal council, I mean roommate selection, where Fox kindly replays the entire minute prior to commercial for us. Amy’s choice is… Keith. Boy, can I pick ‘em or what? Host Amanda is speechless and can only say, “why, why, why?” Amy replies that she didn’t want Scott to have to choose and she didn’t go to Dave because everyone goes to Dave when they have no choice. Meow. She wants to put Keith on the hot seat. Bad move, sister – Keith is the Paradise Hotel Grim Reaper.

It’s Charla’s turn. She’s wearing a bracelet that says “Dave” on it and picks Dave. Host Amanda makes a snotty comment about the bracelet, but Charla wants to be with Dave until the very bitter end. Tara is next and she picks Keith. Amy looks pissed. Host Amanda wonders why Tara chose Keith. We see porn music and a flashback of the smoochy, smoochy action. Tara blathers on about Keith being “sweet, caring, and thoughtful.” Whatever you say, dear. Smoochy, smoochy. Holly is last. In a shocking move, she picks Scott. He doesn’t look particularly happy. She tells Host Amanda that she picked him because there have been more ups than downs, as Fox shows us all of their fights.

Then the soundtrack switches to old western music. I guess it’s High Noon at the OK Corral. Amy tells us in a voiceover that she could have gone to Scott and he would have picked her over Holly, but she thinks there’s going to be another twist here. So, she picked Keith. Keith has to decide and although he doesn’t want to send a “good, genuine” person like Amy home, he’s picking Tara.

Amy stands next to Host Amanda, getting much closer than I would to that hideous dress. Host Amanda asks Amy what her lasting memory of Paradise Hotel will be. We see flashbacks of Amy and Zack and Amy and Toni. Amy notes that the good memories happened a long time ago and that life has gone downhill since then. We then see flashbacks of Amy turning into a screaming harpy. Amy says that it’s her time to go and that she’ll miss Scott and Holly. Host Amanda tells her it’s time to check out and that she’ll miss Amy. Scott hugs Amy and calls her a class act. Screaming Harpy Amy? A class act? Oh, ooookay, buddy.

Holly also gets a hug from Amy. And then, apparently, Amy has an out of body experience, because Amy hugs Dave. And then Charla. And then Keith. And then Tara. Amy tells us via voiceover that she’s gone through a lot, done a lot of soul searching and self discovery, and that she loves Zack. She says that she means it. Of course, she hasn’t seen the show yet. I wonder if she’ll love him when she realizes that he may have been sleeping with her, but he was hitting on every woman there (and making out with most of them).

Back at roommate selection, Host Amanda congratulates the final three couples and tells them to enjoy the moment, because at the next ceremony one couple will be going home. Of course, there’s going to be a shocking twist (but not the one that Amy hoped for): one of the six remaining guests will be given the power to force out a couple. She declines to give details and leaves, chirping, “Hahve a loverly naht!” We get a shot of tiki torches. What? I know Fox wishes they had Survivor, but that’s a bit much.

Tara toasts the final six guests. Holly gets a letter and announces that the couples will be rewarded with a 24-hour excursion and need to be ready by 7 a.m. Dave, Tara, and Keith have a little conference at the backgammon table. Tara proclaims that it’s a miracle that they’re still at Paradise Hotel. Keith is grateful that both he and Tara are still there. Oh, and that every person who wanted Keith out is gone. Fox then shows the Grim Reaper’s work: all of the Originals walking up the stairs, one by one. Keith chortles that all of the eliminated guests wanted to kick him out. Tara tells Keith to keep up his winning streak.

In their room, Charla asks Dave if they should be confident. Dave replies that they should be cautious, as Keith could turn on them. Charla replies that if Keith and Tara want to eliminate them, she won’t be the one with a guilty conscience. Of course, it would be her heinie leaving paradise, but that fact seems lost on her. Maybe it’s because she really doesn’t seem to believe that she has any chance of winning.

Over in Tara and Keith’s room, Tara warns Keith that “they” can’t know our strategy. Keith agrees. They discuss how if Scott or Holly gets the power, they would get eliminated. Keith decides to pull Scott aside and remind Scott that Dave has lied to Scott. So, he pulls Scott aside at the bar and brings up what happened at Pandora’s Box. Scott is no dummy and calls Keith on trying to cover his bases and influence his decision. Dave comes up on the two of them and clearly senses that something was being discussed. Like him, perhaps? Dave promptly pulls Keith aside. Keith tells Dave that he wants to win the game and won’t go down without a fight. Keith tries to reassure Dave that he’s only doing contingency planning, but I’m not sure that Dave is buying it.

What does Holly think of all of this? Speaking of Holly and thinking, has anyone seen proof she can think? At any rate, she’s sick of “them” and is hoping for separate excursions. She tells Scott his mission for the excursion is to “take out the Barbies.” And again, we have a dramatic buildup to the commercial break. The Deep Voiced Announcer gives us a little preview – it is indeed separate excursions, but they’re splitting the couples up. And there’s a lot of fighting in the guests’ future.

It’s a new hour of Paradise Hotel and because Fox apparently assumes that its viewers have short term memory problems, the Deep Voiced Announcer is here to recap last week for the second time tonight. And in case the short term memory problems are extreme, he also recaps what happened between 8 and 9 p.m. tonight. Just in case you forgot what happened 10 minutes ago. Oh, god – no! It’s the theme song and opening credits, again! My ears!!! My ears!!!

It’s 6 a.m. in paradise. Wake up calls are being made. The guests are clearly not morning people. Each of the six get into separate cars; they have no idea where they’re going or who they’re going with. Scott finds himself on a dock, where he meets Captain Jimmy. Then Tara arrives and meets Captain Jimmy. Scott looks nervous. Pleased, but nervous. Keith is on a balcony when Charla walks in. She tells Keith she was nervous and was afraid that an ex-guest was there. Dave walks into a room to find Holly. They hug and express surprise as a waiter walks in with a bottle of champagne. Holly comments that they both like to drink – maybe that’s why they’re together on the excursion. Heh.

Keith figures out who’s with whom and scoffs that Dave’s probably trying to work Holly. He’s right about that – Dave starts with “you look great” and continues with “oysters are an aphrodisiac.” Holly points out that they aren’t oysters; they’re mussels. Heh. That’s two for Holly. Impressive. Charla and Keith talk about how they don’t have to work each other. Keith says that Tara better be working Scott.

Keith and Charla are swing dancing in their bathrobes and getting spa services together. It’s a full body exfoliation and body mask – they look like burritos by the end. Okay, enough fun. It’s time for drama. Keith asks Charla why Dave is being shady. Charla replies that Dave thinks Keith is being shady. Keith brings up Pandora’s Box, where Dave said he’d take Scott over Keith. Charla says that Dave is just playing the game. Keith asks if Dave was lying. Charla points out that Keith is playing the game, too.

Holly puts Dave on the spot and asks what he would do if he had the power. Dave starts hemming and hawing about how he isn’t sure what he would do and how it would be a group decision. Holly calls him on the wiggling and says that they’re giving the power to one person. Hey, maybe she’s sharper than I thought. Or, more accurately, maybe she’s not as dumb as I thought.

Keith tells Charla that the Pandora’s Box incident hurt him and got him thinking. He wondered why Dave would tell Scott that he’d pick him over Keith. He decides to have chats with both Dave and Scott and just let it all out.

Dave tells Holly that if he gets the power, he’d consult Charla, as Charla would consult him. Holly replies that Charla wouldn’t consult Dave, Charla would just kick Scott and Holly out. Holly also states that Holly would kick out Tara and Keith. Dave notes that Keith is playing the game “hardcore,” which is apparently the word of the week at Paradise Hotel, and that Keith would kick Dave off to win the game. Dave then asks Holly if she remembers telling Dave that he didn’t have to worry before one of the roommate selections; he then tells her that she doesn’t have to worry. They toast to the winners of the game being the people that deserve it the most.

It’s time for a commercial, but first the Deep Voiced Announcer has to preview what’s happening after the break. Can you say filler, boys and girls? After the break, there’s a new surprise behind every door. Tempers explode. Alliances crumble. People scheme. After we see ads from the few remaining sponsors, everyone goes to their hotel rooms, where they find a different person than the one they spent the day with. Keith finds Holly, Charla finds Scott, Tara finds Dave. Scott says that it’s been a long time since he roomed with Charla. They show a flashback of him turning her advances down. A long time, indeed. They have some champagne, but Charla doesn’t want to get drunk

We see Keith and Holly enjoy a dip in a hot tub. He tells her that Dave is the “least” person to save her. “Least”? Come on, Keith, you’re smarter than that. Holly replies, “Really.” He asks her if she remembers Pandora’s Box. Holly replies, “Really.” She’s starting to sound like Nipsy Russell in Wildcats – “Riiiiight.” Keith asks if Holly really thinks that Dave would kick him off over Scott. Holly gets pissed. I guess she realizes she’s getting worked. She screams, “You dare tell me that you’d keep me over your precious Charla and Dave?”

Charla looks at Scott and reports that she hears Holly and Keith screaming at each other. Scott asks if the screaming is in a good way. Nope. They sit outside and listen to the argument. How cheap was Fox that the rooms are right next to each other? The argument continues and escalates. Holly tries to apologize for the way the Originals treated Keith. Keith says he doesn’t think she’s sorry for the way her jerk friends behaved. I guess it’s late, because it’s sleepy time on the excursion. Separate beds for everyone!

They all return to the hotel in the morning. Scott speaks for the group when he says it’s good to be back. At breakfast, Scott and Holly get letters announcing the final Pandora’s Box. Everyone will need to pack as one couple will be leaving tonight. Holy cow! That’s quick!

It’s post-breakfast drama time. Scott greets “hot stuff” Holly and tells her that he heard her doing some serious arguing. Holly tells him that she and Keith got into a big fight. Keith tells Tara that Holly and Scott think that Dave would pick them over Keith and Tara and that a big fight ensued. Keith says that Dave blatantly lied to Scott, that Dave isn’t the only one playing the game and that Keith is going to call Dave on the lie. I’m not sure why the lie is such a big deal. Dave probably figured that he needed to make sure that he and Charla were protected no matter who got the power. It’s not a bad move, except, I guess, when you make it so obvious.

The Barbies have a meeting. Charla and Tara curl up on a bed. They really do seem to have become close friends. It’s actually very sweet. But that’s not the point here. The point is that Keith tells Dave that he wants Dave to go to Scott and tell Scott that he’d pick Keith over Scott, because Holly thinks that Dave would pick her and Scott. Dave replies that he can’t possibly tell Scott the truth because it would ruin his position. He says that Scott can’t possibly believe that he’d pick Scott over Keith.

Keith replies that he wouldn’t have gotten himself in Dave’s position – he wouldn’t have lied. Keith tells Dave not to screw the people who have gotten him there. Dave says that he resents the implication that he and Charla wouldn’t have gotten this far without Keith and that he told them it would be a joint decision with Charla. Tara, ever the smart cookie, chimes in that basically, Dave wants them to think that if it was up to him, he’d save them, but can’t because Charla doesn’t want to lose Tara. So, if they get the power, they’ll pick you over us. Correctomundo, Tara. Keith tells Dave that he’s f***ed them for “no reason.” Wrong, Keith. He did it for a damn good reason – to cover his ass. His mistake was letting you find out. Dave replies that he’s been playing the same way since the beginning.

And then they cut to commercial. During commercial, I’m thinking about what just happened. Dave is totally channeling Alex from Survivor: The Amazon and is royally screwing himself in the process. He told Keith and Tara he was going to turn on them before he actually stabbed them in the back. For such a smart player, this is an outrageously stupid move! Oh, Dave, what have you done?

Holly and Scott discuss things. Holly’s first inclination was to kick Tara and Keith off, but now she’s reconsidering because of Dave’s behavior. Scott agrees because even though Dave has been his friend since the beginning, Dave is clearly playing both sides and is being shady.

Tara and Charla discuss things. Charla is upset at how Dave has made them look like really bad people and has angered Keith. Charla has always said that they can’t ever turn on each other. Tara agrees. At least two people at the hotel understand that you’ve got to scheme, but not overscheme.

Scott calls Keith and asks if Dave had told Keith that he’d keep him over Scott? Keith decides to talk in person. Keith says that Dave had told him that; Scott tells Keith that Dave said that Holly had nothing to worry about. Keith is floored. Scott tells Keith that he’s never lied to Keith and that he’d not conspiring against Dave (riiiight), he’s just letting Keith know what’s happened. Keith sums up the situation, “That’s crap.” Keith returns to his room and reports the conversation to Tara. Tara is mad and says that she is done with Dave – he’s bugging her and is a liar.

Keith confronts Dave. Dave replies that Keith said that he’d never make it personal and now Keith is playing the game “so hard.” Don’t you mean “hardcore,” Dave? Keith says that he feels like Dave has sold him out. Dave replies that he’s just trying to advance in the game, he’s sorry that Keith got hurt, and that Scott has had Dave’s back for a long time. Keith says that he’s worried about the strength of his alliance. Dave says it’s a lot to expect to be definite. Keith asks Dave that if Scott had his back, why would Dave sell him out and tell him a lie? Dave says that he can’t have this discussion because there’s too much going on in his head. You mean like trying to figure out what lie you told to whom? Keith tells Dave that he is pissed, but wanted to talk. Dave walks away.

It’s time for the last Pandora’s Box, where nobody lies and everyone tells the truth. Riiight. First up, the eviction questions. Holly, do you still consider Tara a rival? Holly replies that she doesn’t have rivals anymore, because both women are equally her competition. Fair answer. Really, she’s impressing me this episode. I had written her off as a complete bimbo, when she may actually only be a mostly bimbo. Charla, lately you’ve been quiet on who you’d like to leave. Charla replies that she’s always quiet, but would have to say Holly and Scott.

Next up, the trust questions. Keith, has your trust in Dave changed in past few days and why? Keith replies that it was hard to listen to what Dave said at the last Pandora’s Box, so he doesn’t know about the trust factor. He has trusted Dave to this point and always will, but thinks that Dave should have worded things differently or said what he meant. Scott, who do you trust more: Tara or Charla and why? Scott replies that neither has backstabbed him or lost his trust. He spent the excursion with Charla and has no reason not to trust her, so he picks Charla.

And now, on to the power to pick questions. Dave, if it was up to the guests, why should they give him the power? Dave replies that they shouldn’t. He would like to save himself and Charla, but the power that he’s wielded in the past has brought with it a lot of resentment from eliminated guests, so he’ll take the power if he’s given it, but doesn’t really want it. Host Amanda catwalks in and tells the guests to think about what they’ve learned, because they’re about to make the single most important decision at Paradise Hotel. They will decide who gets the power and the only rule is that they can’t choose themselves or their roommate. They get an hour to decide whom they want to vote for and the clock is ticking.

It’s time for a commercial. For the record, my money’s on Keith getting the power. Scott and Holly have to vote for him in the hope that he’ll be pissed enough at Dave to keep them around. Charla will vote for either Keith or Tara, most likely Tara, whom she trusts and knows will keep her around. Dave will probably vote for Keith, because he trusts him the most. Tara and Keith will vote for Charla, whom they trust to keep them.

Each couple has retreated to their respective corners to strategize. Scott feels sick to his stomach; Holly looks bored. She wants to know who Tara and Keith would dump. Tara tells Keith that she’d send Dave home in a New York minute, but would never send her best friend, Charla, home. Holly muses to Scott that she thinks that Tara and Keith will vote for Charla. Scott asks her why – to take it out of his hands? Yes, Scott, that’s exactly why. Holly asks Scott if he really thinks the two of them (Holly and Scott) have any chance at getting the power. No, he doesn’t, but given Dave’s behavior for the past two days, the two of them might be safe. Holly disagrees – Dave will be in paradise tomorrow, but she won’t. Scott decides to vote for Tara and Keith, as they are Scott and Holly’s only chance. He goes to Tara and Keith and makes his “last plea,” telling them that he and Holly are voting for them because Tara and Keith are their only hope and he hopes that Keith remembers what they talked about: character and trust.

Keith tells Tara that the one conversation they had turned everything around. Scott tells Holly he wants to break a table over his head. Huh? Tara declares that she is going to talk to Charla and then Dave. Keith decides to go talk to Scott and Holly.

Tara tells Dave and Charla how things are “going down.” Dave asks why Scott and Holly are voting for Keith instead of him. Tara tells him that they don’t trust him. He asks if it was because of the infamous conversation. Charla tells him it’s because of yesterday. Tara tells him it’s that something that was said.

Keith tells Scott and Holly that he doesn’t know if he can really vote Dave and Charla off. He can’t make any promises. Say what you will, but Keith seems to be a fairly stand up guy. Scott replies that everything Keith has said is about trust and if Keith kicks them off, then he has to sleep with his decision. Scott tells Keith that everything he’s been “preaching” about honesty would be out the window, especially considering that the guy he “pinky swore” with lied and tried to stab him in the back.

Hey, don’t you think it’s a good time for a commercial? I don’t, but Fox does. While we’re on break, I’m going to predict that Scott and Holly leave paradise. I think Fox is editing to make drama, but Tara and Charla are really the ones driving the bus at this point and they don’t want to lose each other.

Keith decides he needs talk to Dave. Scott asks Keith if he thinks that Dave realizes that he did something wrong. Dave’s been very vocal until now – why is he quiet all of a sudden? I think it’s because Dave has realized his mistake and has decided that not talking is probably his best strategy at this point.

Up in Charla and Dave’s room, Dave is brooding. Charla asks him what’s going on, because she feels like he’s upset and taking it out on her. She wants to know if she’s done something wrong. Dave tells her he’s depressed because of the situation between him and her and how it feels to be rejected and relationships and making mistakes. Charla tells him that he hasn’t been rejected at the hotel, so he must be speaking generally. Dave just says, “Charla,” in a tone that tells her that he does feel rejected – by her. Hello? Charla? You can’t just make something go away by pretending it’s not there. Charla tells Dave that he hasn’t been rejected by her, because they’ve been friends the entire time. If he means romantically, then Charla thinks everyone should feel rejected. Dave points out that things are different with him because he has feelings for her. Charla tells him that she’s not going to get into this discussion and doesn’t understand why he feels rejected. She’s sorry he’s taking it so hard, because she hasn’t projected anything but friendship and wants them to continue to be good friends after the show. She asks him if he believes that she’ll still be friends with him when she goes back to Minnesota. He dejectedly replies, “Sure.”

This conversation has happened in the past few episodes in one form or another and always makes me feel really bad for Dave. Watching Dave pine for Charla is like watching a train wreck. She’s never led him on, but she pretends she doesn’t know how he feels and she simply can’t be that stupid. As for Dave, dude, she’s never going to reciprocate, put down the torch and pick up your self respect. But I digress…

Scott tells Tara and Keith that he knows that she’s best friends with Charla and would never kick her out. Tara says that she needs to talk to Dave. Scott tells her that if they get rid of him and Holly, they’ll be getting rid of people with some integrity. Keith tells Scott that they need to be talking to Dave. Scott warns Keith that Dave will hem and haw.

Charla asks Dave why he told Holly she was his number two. Dave tells her that that is the last thing in the world he wants to discuss. Charla asks him what else he has told people. At this point, Tara and Keith arrive at Dave and Charla’s room. Holly and Keith follow them in.

Tara asks Dave why he told Holly that he didn’t have a number two. Dave replies that it was because he didn’t have one. Tara says that he has indeed had one since she (Tara) arrived. Dave tells Tara that he told Holly that before he told Tara and Keith that they were his number two. Tara asks why Dave told Holly that she had nothing to worry about and that he’d save her and Scott. Dave replies that he told her that he couldn’t make any decisions without Charla and tries to explain the difference. Poor Dave – he tried to finesse the situation (just like Tara suspected, by the way) and is getting railroaded for it. Scott brings up Dave’s inconsistent statements from Pandora’s Box and after Pandora’s Box. Dave admits that he said things at different times and that he used Pandora’s Box strategically. Scott crows that things are “all coming out” as if he’s discovered the second gunman on the grassy knoll or Nicole Simpson’s “real” killer. Take it easy, Sherlock. Scott states that all of the eliminated guests who came back and verbally abused Dave had a reason. Okay, well, maybe he’s right about that. But they were only pissed because Dave played the game better than they did.

Keith is really, really mad by this point. Dave points out that he’s never jeopardized his position and that he wouldn’t send Keith home. Dave hopes that Keith knows better than to get screwed up by Scott and Holly’s last ditch efforts. Tara is sitting on Keith’s lap and whispers in his ear that he should use his best judgment.

We’re back at the roommate selection spot. Host Amanda is back. Is her mole getting bigger? I swear it is! Maybe she bought Enrique Inglesias’s old mole off of eBay or something. Never mind – it’s time for the vote:

Keith votes for Charla.

Dave votes for Keith.

Scott votes for Keith.

Tara votes for Charla.

Charla votes for Keith.

Holly votes for Keith.

I was right! Boo yah! How do you like them apples!?!? Now I’m three for three tonight! Keith walks over to Host Amanda’s side. His expression is either pained decision making or constipation. Host Amanda wants to know if this “enormous power” feels good. Keith does a lot of sighing and says that we knew that this day was going to happen and two people are going home. Thanks, Captain Obvious. How about a freaking decision? Keith continues dithering and says that he’s “twisted” and that a lot of things are going on that he’d like to sit down and talk about, but that there isn’t time for that.

And then they cut to the Deep Voiced Announcer’s preview of next week. Rats!!! You Fox rats don’t tell us who’s going home!! Sigh, I guess we’ll just have to watch next week to see the BIGGEST TWIST EVER and find out what the ULTIMATE PRIZE is. SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!!!! Or, more accurately: WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY!!!!

And I can’t wait!! There was an interesting teaser – Host Amanda is revealing the biggest and most shocking twist of the summer and mentions the “only way you can win the prize.” What does that mean? I can’t even begin to decipher that, but I can make some other predictions about next week. I think Keith will stay true to his alliance and give Scott and Holly the boot. Why, especially after Dave shot himself in the foot, would Keith do this? First, Keith wants to keep Charla, who is not only Tara’s best friend, but who has also been a good and loyal friend to him. Second, I think there was some foreshadowing when Keith and Tara discuss how “they” can’t know their strategy. I wouldn’t be surprised if the fighting was just one big old show – they might actually be that smart. Third, Keith is a smart cookie and probably suspects that the eliminated guests will come back to make the decision and he’d rather be up against Dave than Scott. It’s one of the rules of smart reality television game playing: always put yourself up against the person everyone hates. I also think that the winners will be: Keith and Charla, because I think they’re going to split the couples as part of the twist. But we’ll have to wait until next WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY to find out, won’t we? I’ll certainly be there. Will you?

You can contact Ms. March at vsmarsh@hotmail.com.

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