The Apprentice: Weekly Performance Review, Episode 5 – A Reshuffled Deck Deals a Bad Hand

When I heard about the teams being reshuffled this week, I made the comment that if one team got both Bill and Kristi, the other team would be in trouble. That didn’t happen, although Bill and Nick (who were in agreement on the “Kwame Jackson” incident last week) ended up on the same team. Omarosa was separated from both women she had fought with previously, Ereka and Katrina, as well as Amy, who tried to act as peacekeeper. I have to think that Versacorp came away the strongest, but time will tell.

Also, last week I received a tremendous email from Christian Marashio, owner of NetWorkingGirl.com and writer of a blog on sex and dating that is linked on the above site. Be warned, there is some adult content on the site (mostly in written form, as opposed to dirty pictures, you perverts). Among other things, Chris point out that Ereka and Omarosa are in this week’s TV Guide, dressed like sluts on either side of Donald Trump. Kind of goes against the whole speech he gave them in the previous episode about them using sex too much.

New Versacorp

Tammy: You remain the weak link on a strong team, once again showing your ignorance by making your first comment to George Steinbrenner a note about his ring. I liken this to a child, distracted by the bright lights and shiny sparkly things. You obviously have no idea what it means to be a leader, having disdain for Nick’s leadership (which I’ll get to in a bit). The only reason that you haven’t been considered for firing is that your team has won every time, through no contribution of yours. You need to show some ability, or your team’s first loss will be your last.

Ereka: As with Tammy, your saving grace has been that you were on a good team, and you have yet to contribute in any meaningful way. But often you seem like an emotional trainwreck, and not terribly confident. Your current non-performance might keep you around a while, letting others who made grand mistakes go first. But it will never win the job.

Katrina: I think you did a better job this week than last, but that’s only because you are a better follower than a leader. Not an aspect that bodes well for your chances.

Amy: You’ve come a long way since my initial disdain of your original pride in your dot-com investing. You’ve shown that you have a good head for business, and Nick was smart to include you in the decision-making process.

Bill: Once again you prove yourself a valuable asset, as you sought out Troy to apologize and mend fences over the “Kwame Jackson” incident. What’s done is done, and since you both survived it, it’s time to put it behind you. You also were the first one to realize that, with the bad weather and limited customers, the rules had changed. You had to settle for lower margin to sell a maximum amount, rather than raising prices and pricing yourself out of the game. Whether it’s bailing rainwater off your tent or selling furiously in the background, you’re always doing something. I can’t wait to see you as Project Manager.

Nick: Last week, I told you, “make a big splash this week, and you’re golden.” Guess what? You’re golden. Trump was obviously impressed that you grabbed the bull by the horns and brought home a victory.

Unlike some others (Tammy, for one), I don’t think you were too weak in your decision making. On the contrary, I thought it was important to earn the respect of your new team. Your four new teammates might not have liked taking orders from someone whose previous team had lost four times in succession, so it was important to let them know how much you valued their input, whether you know anything about ribbons or not. But once you got their advice, you made the decision. Is it any wonder why the whole team gushed about your leadership skills?

New Protégé:

Troy: What can I say? You’re trying your best to make the best of a bad situation, trying to take a leadership role where none exists on your team. You don’t always make the best decisions, but trying and giving constructive ideas is a damn sight better than whining and bitching.

Kwame: On the other hand, you seem to be incapable of doing anything unless someone else suggests it first. You’re going through this show like a robot, a Harvard-programmed automaton.

Jessie: You seem way too timid to make any sort of impact. You got distracted by the pigeons while trying to give Kristi advice, for crying out loud! Some people have wondered if this was part of your strategy, but I don’t give you that much credit.

Omarosa: You’ve now proven yourself to be more than all attitude, but it appears that the women still don’t like you. I’m beginning to come around, recognizing you as a smart businesswoman who takes no crap. If you can keep the hubris down, you will go farther in the show. Next week is your big chance, but I think it may be your downfall.

Heidi: Heidi, there’s a big difference between disagreeing with the Project Manager and bringing the team down. I think you were as much to blame due to your horrible attitude as Kristi’s lack of direction. You checked out before the task ever began. They may have cut out some of your contributions in editing, but even had you sold a lot of merchandise, it obviously wasn’t anywhere close to enough.

So not only are you a poor salesperson, you’re a worse loser. Please, let me know, how were you stabbed in the back? Kristi (according to the editing, anyway) hadn’t even made her decision yet, and even if she had, the constant spew of filth from your mouth would have been enough. Add your constant whining and complaining, along with your lack of contribution, and Kristi had plenty of reason to choose you.

It should be obvious that, no, you haven’t impressed me and I don’t like you – or at least the Heidi Bressler that is on this show every week. Sure, it’s possible that in real life you might be different than the snotty, vulgar, arrogant, ignorant, and yes, annoying person that we see on the screen. Somehow, I doubt it.

Kristi: What happened? I saw you as the Golden Child, ready to step up and claim your crown. Obviously, I was wrong. The self-confident, assured woman we had been watching in the past disappeared, shocking both me and Donald Trump. Should you have been fired? If this is the real Kristi, then yes.

Next week, Donald refers to someone as rude before he fires them. I’ve decided that this is either Tammy, Omarosa, or Heidi. Needless to say, I’m hoping beyond hope that Heidi will hit the streets next week.

Mike DeGeorge has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Management from Christian Brothers University in Memphis, and over 10 years of real-world management experience. Email Mike at mikmaria@charter.net.

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