Dancing with the Stars 2, January 13: Highs and Lows

Welcome to the results show for the second week of Dancing with the Stars. Well, actually, welcome to the pre-results show, as Tom Bergeron greets us in an empty studio, saying it will be filled in 20 minutes. Great, thanks for the update. Can we fast forward now? We thought last week was packed with filler, and now they give us an hour-long results show? Ugh.

Tom tells us what we can expect later and then we’re presented with recaps of the previous night’s dances. If you want to know how they were, check out Jill’s recap.

Unfortunately, these recaps are not just a few seconds of each. We begin with Lisa and Louis and see the whole freaking thing again. Um, wasn’t that what last night’s show was for? Oh, and let me mention that Louis still freaks me out. If I saw him in my neighborhood, I would call the police. I don’t know what it is about him, but he just gives me the creeps. Anyway, after the dance is over, Lisa half-jokingly complains to the confessional cam that they put the nervous girl first.

The pattern continues. We see Drew’s dance, with nothing of interest added in confessional. Tia is next, and she tells us afterwards that she is upset that she missed one move. Oh, and she needs a martini. George is next, and we don’t even get any new comments from him, just his joke from Thursday night about doing it for the people in his ‘hood – Beverly Hills, etc. It was funny, but did we need to see it again?

Tatum’s not-so-great dance is next. She complains in confessional that after the first show, people called her and said she was like a professional dancer, but she’s not. Jerry’s dance is shown again; afterwards, he tells the confessional cam that Master P should “bring it on.” Yeah, that’s likely. Next up is Stacy’s rerun, which gave us the first 10s of the season. Let me tell you, I’m not sure the dance really deserved a 10 (other than for her legs), but at least it was better than Kelly Monaco’s dance in last season’s finale, which was judged with three perfect 10s (a judging performance we then rated worthy of a Reality TV Hall of Shame Moment).

Master P’s “dance” follows. This is one that I think everybody could have lived without seeing ever again. Thank goodness for fast forward. Afterwards, Master P calls himself “the Scarface of ballroom dancing.” Finally, we revisit Giselle – no comment from her at the end.

Guess what? It’s finally time for the official beginning of the live results show. It’s about freaking time. Oh good, we get another review of what happened, for those smart enough to have skipped the first half hour. Give me a break. This is really getting annoying.

Because there was an improper use of the paddle (that sounds a lot naughtier than it was) the previous night, Tom explains how the judges provide scores. At the end of each dance, each judge punches their score into a keypad. That is the official score and is supposed to be the same as the paddle they show. Tom notes that the whole process can only break down if the judge forgets what score they gave. At that, Carrie Ann holds up a paddle that says, “Sorry!”

Time to remind us of the scores from the performance show:

To fill a little more time, we have some brief interviews. Giselle says she has a lot of work to do and wants to own herself and have confidence in order to control her nerves. Tatum doesn’t think she did as well as she would have liked to. Nick says she was nervous, but she still did one of the best rumbas. Also, she’s emotionally invested in the competition and hopes to stay. Ashly says she will keep pushing the hard work if she and Master P are still around, but then he might teach her some basketball.

Next week, the couples will be dancing either a tango or a jive. The jive originated from the lindyhop, so we’re getting a demonstration of the lindyhop from another pair of pros. I can definitely see why they aren’t having the stars try this one, as it’s rather acrobatic, with hops and flips and jumps. Wow! Somehow, I can’t see George or Master P doing this!

Following the professionals, Tom says that so far the stars have been judged by the judges and the viewers (he forgets the Foxes On Idol panel – I’ll forgive him this time). Now it’s time to be judged by each other. Giselle says she needs to work hard. Drew says Stacy is his biggest competition. Stacy thinks Drew is the threat. George says Drew was great, as well, but he’ll be just as good in a few weeks. Jerry wants it bad. Etc. OK, that wasn’t really “judging” so much as an excuse for more filler.

Now it’s time for the singing star of the evening to perform while some professionals dance – Jesse McCartney gives us “Get Your Shine On.” Not much to say here – he sings, they dance. Moving on.

Tom claims the “moment of truth” is finally upon us. I don’t believe it for a minute – there’s got to be at least one more commercial break. In random order, the stars who are safe are: Stacy, Jerry, Giselle, Lisa (who jumps up and down, screaming with joy). Then it’s time for – guess what? – the commercial break I told you would be coming.

The next star returning is… George! And, of course, Drew will stick around. Tia is the last one announced before the bottom two. So that means it’s down to Tatum or Master P in the bottom – the same two who were at the bottom of the judges’ scores.

So who is going home? Tatum O’Neal! No way! She went from the highest high to out the door in just one week. Tom says he’s shocked too. Indeed, he thought she did much better than other people (indicating the judges) thought. Tatum is a good loser, taking it in stride, before she and Nick have their last dance.

So once again, the call-in votes save Master P. The question is how long he can keep it going. My answer? I wouldn’t be surprised to see him stick around at least a couple more weeks, ‘til things start to get really tight.

In closing, can somebody please explain to me why viewers should bother to watch both the Thursday and Friday shows when they’re repeating the performances? And really, didn’t they just prove that the whole hour-and-a-half performance show could be done in one-third the time? ABC, please don’t start pissing off the viewers by pulling stunts like this!

David Bloomberg is the Editor of RealityNewsOnline and can be reached at RNO@pobox.com.

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