Survivor: Cook Islands, Episode 4ís Missing Intelligence Award Ė Get Your Phannie Out of the Fireby Heathyr Fields Ford -- 10/10/2006
My one bitch with this season of Survivor is that the ďtwistĒ only lasted for two episodes, a full doubling of last time, but still. And the lack of non-California casting. Two! My two bitches are a short twist, too many Californians, and no footage of Exile Island. Three! My three bitches!
Hmmm, my three bitches. Sorta sounds like a 1950s TV series meets 1990s rap singer sort of deal coupled with a bit of Inquisition, doesnít it? Just go with me here. Or not, because itís sort of a scary place.
Anyway, once again, we have people go to Exile Island, but because the idol is found, we donít see anything of their visit! Come on? Whereís the drama, whereís the angst? I sense black helicopters. Itís not an exiled sort of place at all. The producers are sending pool boys named Pablo and towel girls named Tara to entertain the victims, arenít they? Arenít they?! Seriously, donít you think it would be interesting to see what theyíre doing while the rest of the gang is inanely plotting?
Speaking of inane, letís get to this weekís award shakedown, shall we?
First runner-up? The editors. Yes, I know, you like to sway our opinion of people, but I prefer my drama to play itself out naturally. The whole ďletís show men sitting around doing nothingĒ bit gets old. If they truly did do nothing, Iím fine with it, but my educated guess is that they went out and fished and got other stuff which tired them the hell out. And the women were at camp supposed to be doing that stuff. Itís called division of labor, and itís worked for thousands of years. Itís not sexist. Sexist is ďyes, he worked hard getting fish, but damn it, I donít want to be the only one doing dishes. Thatís drudge work, and even though I canít get the fish, I want him to do my work, too, or else Iíll call him a sexist pig!Ē I get tired of this attitude, as itís absolutely unacceptable. So donít manufacture my drama by only showing clips of the men doing nothing and perhaps being a bit bossy (though it was more like questioning/instructor mode in JPís case). Show all sides of it so we can judge who truly is being an idiot and a pig.
Second runner-up? Cao Boi for the bird incident. I canít help it, Iím a total bird person, and seeing that little baby broke my heart. Hey, if they were allowed to kill boobies to eat, Iíd be fine with it. Circle of life and all that. But to be needlessly cruel because you forgot yourself? Blech. Kudos to him, however, for being humbled and learning from it. And Jonathan, you got teary-eyed, admit it!
Not even on my list: Ozzy. I just wanted to give him his due for his awesome water skills. Running through the water as far as possible was great, and good gods can that boy kick some swimming butt?
Honorable mention? Stephannie for even thinking she could voice that she sucked and lost it for them. Darliní? Have you ever watched the show? Puh-leeeeze! You donít win, however, because you did the right thing and scrambled, and not only did you scramble, you pulled it off. Well done.
The ultimate MIA for episode 4 has to go to the women of Raro for voting out J.P. and for the men for going with it (except for Nate). You do have some nicely buff men, but all that buff didnít help too much at the last two challenges. However, it might cripple you even more for future challenges. Gang up on J.P. later. Right now, weíre still too far from the merge, in my opinion, to get rid of your strength. The men should have stayed together and tried to flirt/strong-arm Parvati to stick with them and axed either Stephannie or another weak link.
Maybe itíll work out okay, but I donít think J.P. was the jerk he was edited to be this week, and he totally handled his ouster with class. Iíll miss the eye candy, for sure, but the MIA is awarded not for depriving me of drool moments but for getting rid of strength unnecessarily. When someone puts their head on the chopping block, let them eat cake and then release the blade. Stephannie should have gone.
If you havenít already, be sure to check out these other recent Survivor: Cook Islands articles here on RealityNewsOnline:
Heathyr Fields Ford welcomes MIA nominations and other commentary at firstname.lastname@example.org. JP, if you have a website where you remove your shirt, toss me an email!
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