Survivor: Cook Islands, Episode 10’s Missing Intelligence Award – Eye Candy

Yo, dog, this real cool cat writes this bitchin’ article about some uncool cats who get cut up like poop on this show called Survivor, and hey, homey, you’d best be reading it. Yes, while I loved the eye candy, I’m SO glad Nate and his bizarre speech are gone. It felt a little forced, ya know? Like someone who was trying too hard to be cool. It grated. However, I’m sure I’d forget it if he tamed his hair just slightly, took off his shirt, put on his glasses (which totally rock), and gyrated a bit. Hmm, yep, yo what? Cat what? Bad game play what?

Nate, while up there on my list, is not, however, the winner of this week’s Missing Intelligence Award. We’ll get there shortly, but first let’s meander down the pathways of my mind. It’s a cluttered place right now because in doing another article, I got a lot of songs jumbled around in my head, and let’s just say it ain’t pretty when Lieutenant Cable (South Pacific) meets The Who meets Motley Crue meets Heart meets Violent Femmes and a bunch of others. Seriously. I should probably get the Missing Intelligence Award.

Actually, I know I should because I totally forgot about this article over the Thanksgiving holidays. I was more consumed with “family time” at my parents’ house and “recovery time” back at home. Not to mention the “dentist time” wherein I had cavities filled (my first since I was 16) and spent an evening and a half whining about my numbed mouth and sore jaw. Not unlike some people’s first dates, I’m sure. It wasn’t until I started thinking, “Oh, time to watch your Amazing Race clips” that I suddenly realized I had neglected my Survivor rant time!

Never fear, I’m now at work and merrily clicking away while on a break, so let’s get a-ranting and a-raving, but not a-courting, because little froggy I ain’t. Oh, god, another song. My creative mind is going to explode.

We had a merge. Of course we did. Jeff told us we can’t count on one, which almost always signifies that it will come immediately thereafter, and it did. Raro: I give you all an honorary MIA just for being you.

Ozzy: I don’t have any issues with you this week. You played hard, and you looked at making connections just in case you needed to, but you didn’t equivocate. When push came to shove, you merrily voted out Nate, your Raro connection, and I think that’s a good thing. At some point, you and Jonathan and Sundra might want to break up Yul and Becky, but get rid of the rest of Raro first. They annoy me.

Sundra: No issues with you either. You’re a total babe, though, just FYI. Actually, we’re left with a fairly decent crew of eye candy of all sorts. Even Jonathan! (Come on, he’s got GREAT eyes, and he’s witty and obviously intelligent.) Life isn’t all about eye candy, of course, but it sure is fun to write about sometimes!

Becky: Also no issues. You’ve done a good job of being low-key about your relationship with Yul, and although people have noticed your closeness, you did a great job of deflecting it at Tribal Council and bringing it back to Candice and Adam (Adumb, as some on message boards have taken to calling him. Heh).

Adam: You get an honorary award just by being you. I’m continually stunned by your utter inability to do anything but act like you belong caged in a futuristic zoo with the label, “Mankind’s last hope: It failed” and a race of intelligent and clothed rhinos or something watching you and making idle commentary in fake British accents.

Parvati: You are utterly adorable, but I wish I could see you outside the context of this show to see if you are as ridiculously shallow as you appear to be, or if you are actually a fun and normal human being who happens to be as cute as a button. I did like your contemplating face when the vote went to Nate. Adam and Candice looked stunned. Nate obviously looked like a truck ran over him. But you! You looked calculating, weighing the situation, and all the things a player should do. It almost, ALMOST negated that hideous “they want to have babies” comment. Honestly, my brain did not need to go there, as I still feel filthy and like I need a scorching shower to get clean.

Candice: Meh. Just meh.

Nate: The speech thing, obviously, annoys me, but it’s not quite award-worthy. Your insistence of belonging to a “family” and sticking with it is, however. Did you not see that your family screwed you last week when they tossed Jenny? You are easily led by the likes of mental giant Adam, and that really speaks volumes, dog. Fortunately, someone else seems more worthy to me; ergo, you are off the hook. And out of the game.

Yul: Your whole “never get a date again” line? Adorable. That alone will get you many dates. Becky might kill them all, but that’s her prerogative. Oh, god. Bobby Brown just entered. It’s like a twisted Herman’s Head in here. I was not keen on you revealing the idol to Jonathan, but at the same time, I’m thrilled it’s being used appropriately and strategically this time around. It just seemed like a big risk that could go SO wrong. Jonathan could have gone to Raro and said straight up, “Yul has it, and they’re voting for Adam. If we vote for Yul, Adam is gone. Let’s vote for Becky.” Raro has proven they need a club to the head with stuff, so the subtle obviously didn’t work.

And this brings us to Jonathan.

Jonathan: First, I appreciated your careful consideration of whether or not you should switch, and your rationales for wanting to switch. I also think switching was a fairly good idea. I could argue both ways, and could possibly come to the conclusion you deserve the award for switching yet again. However, I argued with myself (and all the songs in my head), and I actually really like your switching. I don’t think you could have improved your position at Raro, which was less than what you thought it was (since Candice wasn’t as much in your court as you believed), so it might work out.

No, Jonathan, that’s not why I’m giving you this. I’m giving you this for believing Adam had anything to do with saving your bacon for anything other than selfish reasons, i.e. he wanted other people gone more. I’m giving you this for not breaking up a very obvious dyad in Candice and Adam when you had the chance. I’m not upset Nate is gone, but I am upset that one of the dyad isn’t gone first. Break up tight alliances like that while you can. I’m hoping they can’t Romber it, because the thought that these two nitwits could stumble into that makes me ill.

For choosing not to break up the alliance, here is your Missing Intelligence Award. Bat those baby blues my way and I’ll consider forgiving you later! Now I’m going to take the songs in my head for a nice long walk.

If you haven’t already, be sure to check out these other recent Survivor: Cook Islands articles here on RealityNewsOnline:

Heathyr Fields Ford resides in Washington state with her exceedingly patient boyfriend, four awesome kids, two large macaws, and a harassed cat. She can be reached at heathyranne@hotmail.com.

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