Dancing with the Stars 4, March 26: Mambo Italiano

First, I want to thank Barbara, Fay, Miranda, and Susan for identifying the song that Elena Grinenko and Clyde Drexler danced to (“I Was Made to Love Her”), and pointing out my error on Karina Smirnoff and Billy Ray Cyrus’ song; they performed to “I Want My Mullet Back” not “I Want My Money Back.” I guess that makes sense after seeing the routine; it was still cheesy, though.

Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris welcome us to the program. I’m going to type that a lot this season. Next, they introduce the couples and I notice that Samantha is very shiny tonight. Tom and Samantha also explain that tonight’s votes will be added to last week’s points to determine who is eliminated tomorrow evening. Currently, the stars range in points from 24 to 13 after the judges’ votes:

Len Goodman explains tonight’s dances and what the judges are looking for. The mambo features Cuban beats with syncopated footwork and arm wraps. The quickstep may involve more than 100 steps per minute. When performed correctly, it includes clicks and kicks, and precise runs.

Dancing first this evening are Julianne Hough and Apolo Anton Ohno. Julianne explains that Apolo is quick on his feet. He says that his upper body is wimpy. Julianne yells at him while smiling. If there were an award for the cutest couple, this team would win it.

They are dancing the quickstep to “Two Hearts.” During one of the runs, the couple does a charming jump and doesn’t miss a beat. Apolo’s posture is better than it was last week. Also, the dance features a lot of twirls. The routine is enjoyable and Julianne does a great job with the choreography.

Len tells Julianne and Apolo that they are going to stay for weeks. Bruno Tonioli calls the performance a “dancing tonic,” I think. Carrie Ann Inaba says that Julianne and Apolo were great.

Carrie Ann awards the dance an 8, while Len and Bruno give it a 9. Julianne and Apolo have 26 points. When combined with last week’s score, the couple’s total is 47 points out of 60.

Up now are Shandi Finnessey and Brian Fortuna. Shandi tells us that some of the elements of the mambo are hard for her to do since they are sexy and she doesn’t know Brian that well. She also picks on him during practice.

They are performing to “Right Now.” I notice that Shandi and Brian aren’t in sync. Also, Brian’s moves are crisp, but Shandi’s aren’t. I’m sure she can improve on this, though. Overall, the routine could be energetic, but it seems a bit slow.

Carrie Ann says that there wasn’t anything special about the dance. Len calls Shandi’s footwork good. Bruno explains that Shandi should have turned into a brat for the dance.

Carrie Ann gives the routine a 6. Both Len and Bruno give it a 7. Tonight, Shandi and Brian have 20 points. Their overall total is 39 points.

Elena Grinenko and Clyde Drexler are set to dance. Clyde tells us that he’s had problems with his arms in the past, but he will put those issues behind him for the competition. Elena takes him to a basketball court to practice. He tells us that she needs to work on her basketball skills and shows us a few of his own moves.

They are doing the quickstep to “Higher and Higher.” Clyde missteps a few times but keeps on moving. He also looks like he’s concentrating a lot and looking down at his feet. They do a neat jump in the middle of a run like Julianne and Apolo did. The performance is rough, but the crowd seems to enjoy it.

Bruno tells Clyde that he moved better tonight. Carrie Ann says that Clyde almost went off of the dance floor. Len suggests that Elena and Clyde dance up and down the steps in the ballroom to make up for their difference in height. Tee hee.

All three judges give the dance a 6. Elena and Clyde have 18 points tonight and 34 points overall.

Up next are Leeza Gibbons and Tony Dovolani. Leeza tells us that she loves the mambo. I don’t love the look on her face as she says this. Leeza explains that she’s turning 50 and is having a goddess party. (This could be a new television program – My Super Sweet 50!) She and Tony perform at her party. She mentions something about shaking her groove thing and I cry a little for my soul.

They’re ready to dance to “Independent Women.” For being 50, Leeza looks and moves well. She still seems a little unsure of her herself, though. Tony shakes and shimmies at her. I cry a little more.

Len says that the dance was precise, but a little too careful. Bruno wants Leeza to be a tramp. Hey, now. Carrie Ann says that Leeza was fantastic.

Each judge gives the couple a 7 for a total of 21 points. Leeza and Bruno have a grand total of 36 points.

Cheryl Burke and Ian Ziering are ready with the next performance. Ian says the most difficult part of tonight’s dance is not kicking his shins. Ian’s dad stops by practice. He’s a cutie! Ian talks about his mom, who has passed on. He chokes up… and so do I. Darn him.

They are dancing the quickstep to “Don’t Get Me Wrong.” Cheryl and Ian cover the entire dance floor. His head looks a bit stiff, but I think he’s just trying to hold his posture. The dance is fast and fun, and once again, Cheryl does a great job with the choreography.

Carrie Ann says that the dance was solid and that she can’t wait to see what else Ian can do. Len gives Ian advice on holding up his elbow. He also says that he’s pleased with what they did. Bruno calls Ian a hare because he hopped around the floor a lot. The crowd boos and Bruno yells back. Tom excuses the couple and Bruno states that he didn’t get to finish.

Carrie Ann and Bruno give the routine a 7. Len gives it an 8. The crowd boos. I’m waiting for a riot at this point. Cheryl and Ian have 22 points tonight and 43 points overall.

Dancing now are Paulina Porizkova and Alec Mazo. Alec shows Paulina how to shake it in practice. She tells him that she doesn’t have an inner Latina. He wants to do a death-drop with her. Cool. She explains that she isn’t thrilled about the death-drop, but will do it. Perhaps if they renamed it the cupcake drop it wouldn’t be as threatening.

They’re performing the mambo to “La Bamba.” I’m not even sure how to describe this performance. Paulina and Alec seem to dance most of the time in one corner of dance floor. Paulina also seems a bit stiff. The routine isn’t bad, but it isn’t wonderful either. What do the judges think?

Bruno says that Paulina got to Puerto Rico (not Havana) and the dance was quite good. Carrie Ann tells Paulina to use her extensions (arms, legs, not hair). Len calls the dance stiff and not raunchy enough. He then yells at the crowd when they boo. Bruno tells everyone to listen when they are giving their critiques.

Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno give the dance a 7. Paulina and Alec have 21 points tonight for an overall score of 40.

Karina Smirnoff and Billy Ray Cyrus are up next. Billy Ray says that he sucks. He also asks us to pray for him. I never knew he was a funny guy. Seriously, he’s cracking me up! His children come by to watch him practice. He promises Karina that he will hold his frame.

They are dancing the quickstep to “Ring of Fire.” Billy Ray’s footwork is a bit off, but he does a nice job. After he settles down, he does some intricate moves. Like Clyde, he appears to be concentrating; however, he looks so much better than he did last week.

Len says that the dance was fine. Bruno tells Billy Ray that he’s heading in the right direction. Carrie Ann calls him the most improved dancer since last week.

Once again, each judge gives the dance a 7 for a total of 21 points and 34 points overall. Billy Ray says that he and Karina set the bar low so that they could only go up from there.

Heather Mills and Jonathan Roberts are ready to perform now. Jonathan tells Heather that she’s going to have to shake her butt for tonight’s dance. She clowns around with one of her prosthetic legs. She can do some fun things with those. She explains that she doesn’t want to be the first person eliminated from the competition.

They’re doing the mambo to “Mambo Italiano.” The dance is playful and fun to watch. Heather does some sexy moves. I think this is her dance! Jonathan tosses her around a bit as well. Heather seems to enjoy herself.

Carrie Ann compliments Heather on her back walkover. It was great! Len says that Heather was terrific. Bruno refers to Heather as being red hot.

All three of the judges give Heather and Jonathan an 8 for a total of 24 points. Heather and Jonathan’s total score is 42 out of 60.

Performing next are Edyta Sliwinska and John Ratzenberger. John is thrilled to hop on the dance floor. Edyta explains that the quickstep is physically demanding and John may have problems; however, because he does karate, Edyta put in a kick in the routine for him.

They are performing to “The Lady is a Tramp.” Edyta and John certainly cover the entire floor. He appears to keep up with her and even does his kick. The cameraman shows Len and he is smiling from ear to ear during the dance. I think he’s going to give John decent marks.

Bruno tells John that he sold the dance. Carrie Ann states that the beginning was slow, but it picked up from there. Len says that the performance was well done.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… Each of the judges gives Edyta and John a 7 for a score of 21. After two nights, Edyta and John have 38 out of 60 points.

Dancing next are Laila Ali and Maksim Chmerkovskiy. My secret boyfriend Maksim says that the mambo is about the relationship between the dancers. Laila takes Maksim to the gym to work out. He’s panting and sweaty. (Thank you, Laila!) She says that she’s going to be spicy tonight.

They’re performing to… I don’t know the name of the song! Help me, please. Laila proves that she can move her hips like nobody’s business. There is a lot of play between Laila and Maksim; they look great together. The routine is energetic and hot.

Len mentions the rhythm and moves, and calls their dance the best mambo of the night. Bruno says that Laila is simply irresistible. Carrie Ann tells Laila that the dance was hot. She also says that she worked Maksim. Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno give the couple a 9; they now have 27 points and a grand total of 50 out of 60. Samantha talks about Maksim and his workouts, but all I can do is stare at his arms. Even Yoko is impressed.

Our last performers tonight are Kym Johnson and Joey Fatone. They have matching sweatpants for practice. Joey obviously has fun with Kym. She tells him to stop being silly, though. She also reminds him to keep his butt in while he dances.

They’re dancing the quickstep to “Tell Her About It.” The dance is playful, and Kym and Joey are in sync (tee hee). The routine is very lively and fun. They do some silly moves, but otherwise, the routine is fantastic.

Carrie Ann tells Joey that she expects him to do well and he didn’t disappoint her. Len compliments Joey on his holds. Bruno tells Joey not to dance like George Michael. Don’t worry; except for a few moves, Bruno was please by the performance.

Each judge gives the performance an 8; Kym and Joey have 24 points and a combined total of 48 points out of 60.

After a recap of the dances, we’re reminded of the current standings:

Tune in tomorrow to find out which star will be the first to go. My money is on Shandi or Leeza… not because they are poor dancers, but because they may not have the fan base that some of the other celebrities have. Don’t despair, though; I’ve been wrong before.

Jill is an east coast mama who loves sharks, zombie movies, and reality television. She welcomes your comments about these and other subjects, and can be reached at jilljones@verizon.net.

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