America’s Next Top Model 9, Flashback Episode: Déjà Vu

We start out with Tyra calling the semi-finalists to tell them they’re going to the Caribbean for the rest of casting. (Or so we’re led to believe. I’m not naïve enough to be that sure Tyra’s really on the other end of the phone.) When the girls arrive to board the ship, they have to go through a “fashion checkpoint.” Bianca’s beaten-up suitcase is picked apart and Ms. J throws out some of her clothes. An unknown semi-finalist is asked to take out her retainer… revealing a missing front tooth.

On the ship, things aren’t all fun and games. Ebony gets off on the wrong foot with Marvita, who wants to slap her. Victoria gets seasick. Sabrina thinks this could be to her advantage.

At casting, we’re treated to a replay of Janet showing off her bikini-waxing skills. We also learn how Spontaniouse got her name - she was born quickly. She does a kind of dance while telling the story. Tyra tries not to laugh. She recently got fired from Wendy’s, and Jay understands that the heat did a number on her weave anyway. Heather does her awkward, “Hey, pretty ladies… and Tyra” thing. We get another explanation of her Asberger’s.

“But sometimes a pretty face can be deceiving,” Tyra voices over as Ebony enters. Mean! On a bus to… somewhere, Ebony interviews that this is like modeling school, but she’s not here to make friends. There’s always one on every show, isn’t there? She’s there to be America’s Next Top Model and take what’s hers. On the bus, she repeats that she’s not here to make friends, adding that she’ll start memorizing names when she’s in the house. “So corny,” says Bianca. Ebony overhears and Bianca accuses her of complaining about her competitiveness. Bianca interviews that people can sense Ebony’s divaness and fakeness. Ebony says AGAIN that she’s not here to make friends. 10-4, Ebony. We read you loud and clear. Bianca thinks that means Ebony is fearful of things.

We revisit the girls’ first photo shoot on the beach, which Jaslene briefly attends. Chantal won’t let anything stand in her way of achieving her goal. Some girl whose name I can’t remember tries to reason with Ebony, who says she’s too cute to argue with anyone. She interviews that she’s going to do anything it takes to win, even if that means appearing insecure.

Tyra visits the girls in the dining room, where Mila announces that her look will sell clothes. She interviews that people always think she’s a model. Bianca will stay true to herself and where she’s from (though she disses Queens in the process). Victoria wants to win because she’s tired of being the nerd. She shyly takes off her jacket and shakes out her hair. She interviews that she’ll be a role model. The previous winners are beautiful but not as articulate as Victoria would like them to be.

Tyra picks the 13 finalists, saying that they were chosen not just because they took great pictures but because they were vulnerable and told their stories. Or maybe she’s just talking to Lisa. It’s hard to tell. Bianca is “taking it to the top.” Mila… who cares? We know she’s out first.

She girls move into the house, which Ambreal jokes she’s thinking about buying later. Jenah thinks everyone should be practicing their runway walks. (Phil would be proud!) Victoria isn’t that thrilled about living with 12 other girls; there’s a lot of talking, screaming, and running around. Her point is underlined by what looks like someone grabbing a wig off of Ambreal’s head and her falling down.

In a confessional with Ambreal, Kimberly (who? Oh, yeah) says, “Something very tragic but very excited but very not funny just happened.” The screen introduces is to “ANTM Presents: Model Scene Investigation: L.A.” Bianca is now in the background as Kimberly tells us that she was cooking a veggie burger (because real meat is bad - that’s her PSA) when she heard a bang. Bianca, who we can now see is holding a dishtowel full of ice to her lip, ran into a glass door. Ambreal tells us exactly what we can see of her face on the door as Kimberly and Lisa point out her smile on the glass.

In the confessional, Bianca mumbles that the door is very clean. Ambreal tells us to tune in next week to see “who makes an a%$ of themself.” Kimberly questions her word choice and Ambreal assures her they can put that on TV. Okay, why couldn’t they show us these girls’ personalities before?

The first photo shoot is the anti-smoking shoot. Heather has trouble with getting close to Saleisha, but Lisa does really well. She tells us she’s been trying to get her mom to quit smoking for a long time. Mila has trouble with the seriousness of the theme. Back in the holding room, Lisa and Bianca bicker. I don’t think there’s anything new here. Lisa interviews that everyone goes through ups and downs, and you should do whatever you need to do to get ahead.

At the first panel, Ebony is criticized for being stiff. Tyra is so using this clip show to dig on her more. Mila is sent home first. She thinks people will be surprised that she was cut first. However, she had a good experience.

Back at the house, Jenah tries to quit smoking… by throwing stuff at people. She’s trying to distract herself from wanting a cigarette. However, during a swim in the pool, she manages to chip a tooth. She’s already stressed out and this doesn’t help. Janet examines it and points out that the powers that be at the show won’t make her compete with a broken tooth. Indeed, she’s sent to our (well, Cycle 6’s Joanie and Danielle’s) old friend Dr. Falcon, who fixes her up.

The girls compete in the Pauline Quen fashion show, in which Janet tries to become her gown and Bianca feeds off the attention. Kimberly struggles and Saleisha wins a trip to Paris. That made Bianca feel threatened; she thought she did better than Saleisha and should have won. We get to see their fight again, plus some scenes we didn’t see of Chantal coming to Saleisha’s defense. She and Bianca yell in each other’s face for a little while.

Chantal interviews that Bianca was being ridiculous to Saleisha, and she didn’t want Bianca to think she can walk over all the girls. The girls yell at each other some more, though Bianca is mostly just saying “Chantal” over and over, trying to get a word in. Chantal thinks she could Bianca off-guard. She then mocks Bianca’s walk, which cracks Ebony up.

The girls have to pose on a rock wall, which turned out to be Jenah’s forte. Kimberly and Bianca didn’t do so well. Back at the house, Bianca tells Heather, who’s not in a great mood, that she’s (Bianca’s) going home next. Heather is unhappy because she wants to call home, but Kimberly is on the phone. Bianca steps in front of Heather outside the door to the phone room, and Heather snaps at her not to do that, since she was there first. Bianca claims that she’s next, laughing. Heather yells a little and Bianca tells her models are sleeping.

Bianca interviews that she won’t fight with Heather because she’s acting like a 12-year-old. As soon as Kimberly leaves the phone room, Bianca sneaks in. Heather wonders if she’s letting people walk all over her too much. I think Bianca was trying to tease and should have realized that Heather really wasn’t in the mood.

At panel, however, Heather gets her revenge - Bianca’s in the bottom two with Kimberly, the latter of whom is sent home. Kimberly says she did what she saw in magazines, but it didn’t work. She’s disappointed.

The morning after Kimberly’s elimination, Bianca does something or other in the bathroom (I’m not going to ask) that clogs up the toilet. Apparently Janet is the only person in the house who knows how to use a plunger, so she teaches Bianca how to unclog the toilet. Bianca interviews that she likes Janet. I see what’s going on here! It’s like on Top Chef 3, where everyone who befriended Casey was sent home! Everyone - don’t be friends with Bianca! You’ll get eliminated!

The girls head to the salon for their makeovers. Jenah is thrilled and doesn’t care what’s done to her (though she wants a buzz). Ken Paves suggests using Sarah’s hair for someone else. Sarah loves her new cut and wants some rocker tees. Bianca is balded and not happy about it. Ms. J has no sympathy. Bianca realizes that she was shaved for a reason, and now she’s going to work harder. Ms. J puts on Ebony’s weave while Jay puts on some blond hair.

Back at home, Saleisha complains about her new haircut. She cries in a confessional that this experience is really stressful. She pins it back and tries to do something with it, saying this isn’t a cut she would get. She realizes she needs to be confident and rock the hair when she goes to panel. Jenah puts on a red wig and chases Ambreal around with it. Ambreal hates hair because it reminds her of bugs and spider webs. She apparently then flushes the hair down the toilet… which I would think is what clogged it, rather than Bianca. Indeed, Heather is outside the bathroom in the same towel she was wearing in the earlier scene, and Jenah is there with her hair in a shower cap, so nice try, editors, but we’re not idiots.

The girls pose as plants, and Ebony interviews that the last thing she wants to do is go home. She’s going to give it her all from now on. WE GET IT, TYRA. Lisa says that being a stick her whole life has paid off, and now she gets to be a pretty bamboo stick. Victoria thinks she was more spontaneous in past shoots, but this time she feels more pressure to do well, and the consequences aren’t good. Chantal is torn between two directors, feelin’ like a fool, and winds up in tears.

In the first two panels, Victoria mouthed off to Twiggy, and it happens again in her third panel. She’s in the bottom two with Saleisha and is eliminated. She interviews that she came off as abrasive in panel because she was nervous. She says she wasn’t one of the prettier girls there, but she was interesting, which was more important.

Jenah decides to play a prank on Sarah, so while they’re in the hot tub, and Sarah takes off her bathing suit top (and… huh?), Jenah grabs it and runs inside. Sarah doesn’t seem to mind flashing everyone, as she just goes in after Jenah and tries take off Jenah’s top. Bianca and Ambreal are really enjoying the show. Jenah runs back outside, clutching her top and screaming that Sarah scratched her. Saleisha tears outside as Sarah wraps herself in a towel. Jenah interviews that she loves messing around with Sarah. “We saw your boobies!” she sings. Hee. Sarah interviews that she and Jenah bonded by running through the house naked together. Heather missed the show and wonders what just happened.

Benny Ninja teaches the girls to pose on a trampopoline! Tramompoline! Trampoline! Back at the house, the girls play that game where you have to take pieces of paper and then say that many things about yourself. Heather reveals that the bedtime movie she watched as a kid was Terminator 2. Saleisha is scared of spiders. Heather thought she was ugly until she was in high school. Bianca was picked on a lot as a kid, which contributes to her hard exterior. Chantal interviews that Bianca has done a 180 and is really happy now. Jenah says the girls are some of the coolest people she’s ever met, and they’re cooler and more confident than she will ever be.

The girls pose as “fashion gargoyles” on the roof of a building. Jenah knew from the start she could do this well. Bianca does the smiling-with-her-eyes thing. I thought she just learned that last week. I’m not liking the editors much. Lisa does well but admits she didn’t know what she was thinking; mostly she was just trying not to fall. Janet and Ambreal are the two weakest links. It seems there is too much for Janet to have to think about at once. She and her white panties are the next to be sent home. “I taught Bianca how to plunge a toilet. My work here is done,” she says. Ha!

Tyra visits the girls at the house and babbles about sitting down without letting her panties show. She wants to talk to the girls about body image. She says they’ll all hear that they need to lose weight, and they’ll most likely face challenges concerning their weight.

Dr. Laurie Polis and Cycle 6 winner Danielle join Tyra. Danielle reveals that she moved to New York and was told to lose weight. She wasn’t sure what to do, so she called Tyra. Yeah, I’m sure Tyra gave Danielle her cell phone number. Tyra was angry because she knows how thin Danielle. She wanted to come up with a plan that would allow Danielle to fulfill her dream without sacrificing her spirit or health. Danielle started exercising and eating healthy, and she lost the weight. The weight she didn’t need to lose. Don’t you just love this industry?

Dr. Laurie asks the girls what they would do in Danielle’s position. Bianca says she wouldn’t want to lose a job. Jenah wouldn’t want to compromise herself. Lisa has been trying her whole life to earn money, but she wouldn’t lose the weight. Sarah shares her frustration over being both too big and too small. In an interview, she says she’s a normal-sized girl. Ambreal has things she doesn’t like about herself, but she doesn’t want to be “skinny.” She interviews that she’s going to pursue her goals in a healthy way.

A tearful Heather says she’s always struggled with her weight, but with being too thin, not too heavy. Because of her ADD medication, Adderall, she would have little appetite, and she would get dizzy because she didn’t eat. Dr. Laurie tells the girls to listen to the positive messages, and Danielle tells them to not give up. Tyra finishes up by telling the girls to stay healthy and not obsess about their weight.

Enough seriousness! Bring on the boys! Tyson Beckford drops by and the girls are all thrilled to finally have a man nearby. Ebony screams happily in a confessional. Saleisha is tasked to sell a cheese grater. Heather is all over Tyson and says in a confessional that she has a sudden fascination with men’s arms. Sarah sexily sells a banana and says in a confessional that Tyson was totally checking her out. He pretty much confirms it. “Mrs. Sarah Beckford. Nice ring,” she says in a confessional. I love Sarah.

At the recycling photo shoot, Saleisha shines and Jenah is “the epitome of a living doll in her cardboard couture.” I bet Tyra never thought she’d say that. Ambreal is boring and Jay tells her she’s going downhill. Ebony is uninspiring, and Jay says she looked a little trampish. At panel, Ambreal is originally cut, but Ebony announces that she wants to go home, so Tyra cuts her loose. Ebony tells us that she knew Ambreal wanted to win more. Her family is going to be disappointed in her for quitting, but she needs to do what’s best for her.

Tyra runs down the eight girls still left in the competition: Ambreal, Heather, Saleisha, Sarah, Chantal, Bianca, Jenah, and Lisa. Next week: music video! Someone needs an ambulance! Probably more Ebony bashing! Can we leave the girl alone already?

Jenn Brasler is an Assistant Editor of Reality News Online and an aspiring writer from Falls Church, Virginia. By day she works for a court reporting firm, and by night she’s a spy for a covert branch of the CIA. You can e-mail her your theories of what else Ebony has done wrong (sank the Titanic, started the Great Chicago Fire, etc.) at luckyjenn@hotmail.com.

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