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Biggest Loser 5: Couples, Episode 13 –The Episode that Takes the Cake!by Brian Towers -- 03/26/2008
Last time: Mostly, it was about looking good and more visits from family members, but they found time for Mark to win another challenge. Sandwiched around it all were the eliminations of Maggie and Brittany. Following is a list of the players still remaining in the game. Bob trains the first four, and the last two are under Jillian’s tutelage.
This week’s action begins with Jillian learning that Brittany is gone. She’s devastated, again, as she confesses in a cameo that Brittany was special to her. Kelly, however, is happy enough to be the last member standing of the Black Team. Jillian fears her team will be extinct if she doesn’t help them. 
On the other side of the house, Bob is happy to find the Blue Team is still “four strong.” Jay admits he wasn’t too worried about the vote. Bob, however, is concerned that Jay only lost three pounds last week, and he tells Jay that his eating routine has to change now. It seems Jay has his own version of the diet that involves eating less carbs than Bob wants. Bob knows Jay needs those carbs to maintain the intense workout level he wants them to follow. It comes out that Jay’s brother Mark is also cutting back on his carbs. Neither brother seems to like being lectured about his diet. I don’t understand why, in week 13, they still don’t understand these basics. Wearing a sexy red top and the kind of big goofy smile that indicates somebody’s got a secret she’s about to spill, series host Alison Sweeney is in the house. She finds the contestants in the kitchen and asks everyone to assemble in the elimination room in five minutes. Several players are concerned about this, recalling previous tips to the elimination room that were not a lot of fun. When the folks are assembled, there’s an oversized silver platter sitting on the table that’s similar to their voting trays. Alison tells them that today they are playing for what is under the tray. Alison dons reading glasses (and looks even hotter!) and announces that the challenge is a pop quiz! She has a series of questions to ask. Players must write down their answers in tablet pads, and anyone who gets one wrong is eliminated. The last one standing wins whatever the heck is on that big serving platter. The first question is, “How many calories do you need to burn to equal one pound?” The answer is 3,500, and everyone gets it right. Question two is, “When he returned to campus a few weeks ago, how much weight had Curtis lost?” The answer is 100 pounds even. Kelly, Ali, and Mark are all out. We now go to a final question. The winner is the one who is closest without going over. The question is, “How many calories are in a cup of fat free strawberry yogurt?” Astonishingly, Jay and Roger both guess 60, while Dan guesses 100. The correct answer is 200, so Dan wins! In a cameo, he brags, “I have been proven the smartest person in the house.” The prize is a piece of cake. In a confused manner, Dan says, “Thank you?” I’m guessing he gets to make someone else eat it. I wonder if he’ll try and give it to hostess Alison to eat? When the show eventually resumes from five minutes of commercials and recaps, we learn the cake contains 600 calories. He can eat it, but Alison suggests he bring it to the next challenge, intact. Hmm… 
The players sit about the kitchen making cake jokes. Mark warns he’s going to test the icing, and Dan decides he better keep his hands firmly on his platter. In an interview, Dan says, “I’ve decided the cake is no longer a food item. It’s a pet.” Sure enough, he talks to it and takes it with him everywhere, even to the gym. It’s making Bob crazy to see a piece of cake resting on a chair that sits on the treadmill beside Dan. Bob decides he needs to get under the boys’ skin today. The first one he rides hard is Jay. However, it’s Mark who is not reacting well, and he’s the first one to bail. Bob tells us that this is when he knows to ask for just a little more. Mark knows that as the smallest guy, he has to work hardest to stay in the game. At dinnertime, a strange scene develops. Kelly comes into the kitchen while Mark is cooking for the boys, and they ask her if she wants to join them for dinner. It seems the teams usually eat separately, but she’s alone now. She declines, though she tells us she is “a people person.” So, eat with them, already! In the gym, Jillian is working Ali hard. The treadmill is moving so fast it’s a blur. This is no game for sissies. Dan and the brothers decide to go for a run. As they leave, Dan tells the walls, “Nobody touch my cake!” Sure enough, Roger comes up to them to tell Dan his tray is gone. Dan freaks! Dan searches the house. In his room he finds a ransom note signed “Kelly.” Dan hunts her down, only to find out she’s having a shower. Mark warns him not to go in there, but Dan’s mad and he walks into the adjoining room to question her about his cake. She denies knowing anything, but he’s not buying it. Kelly tells us Dan left the cake out and “someone took advantage of that.” However, Dan decides to expand his investigation. Yes, the “Cake-Gate” investigation continues. I wonder if its picture is on the milk cartons yet? Dan seeks out Ali, and finds her in the kitchen. When she hears the cake is missing, she laughs… which only makes Dan suspicious of her. Dan tells us, “There is nobody here who is not a suspect at this point.”
Kelly tells us that she was really in the shower and doesn’t know anything about what happened to Dan’s cake, but she skillfully and purposely overplays her innocence to string him along. Everyone is having great fun at Dan’s expense, suggesting that it must be hidden in domestic locations Dan is unfamiliar with, like the dishwasher or the laundry. Ali asks him if it’s in the garbage, and then asks him if he even knows where the garbage bags are. Ha! Dan tells the others they shouldn’t be upset that he’s the smartest one in the house, but I think they need a little more convincing right about now. Continuing the theme, Mark asks Dan when’s the last time he washed his clothes. I know the answer to that one: mom left in Episode 6, and this is week 13! Dan somehow finds the laundry and starts searching about this unfamiliar section of the house. Sure enough, under a stray bag of stuff, there it is! Roger steps forward and confesses it was he who hid Dan’s cake. Roger tells us he felt he had to teach Dan “a valuable lesson” about the need to properly take care of something that is valuable. That’s the kind of lesson you’d expect from an offensive lineman, I guess. Everyone laughs again at Dan’s expense. Mark tells us the humor was a welcome relief to the monotony of the daily routine. The ladies (Kelly and Ali) were left low-cal popcorn by Jillian. The guys come in and the ladies decide to share with them. Don’t tell Jillian, ladies! The next scene is a challenge. They are in a basketball arena, with “The Biggest Loser” and their names up in lights on the scoreboards. Very cool. This challenge is about the unhealthy foods such venues offer. The challenge will work like this: each person is assigned a table with their name on it. Players have to run to concession sites, grab a single item of food, place it on a table of another player, and then do it again minutes, the contestant whose table holds the lowest calorie count wins a snappy $10,000! Here’s where Dan’s cake comes in. Alison directs him to put it on anyone’s table he wants. I’m thinking it’s going to Roger as payback for the prank, but no, he gives it to Kelly. She’s determined to pay him back, though she wants to show Roger some attention as well. Ali’s game plan is just to distribute things evenly among all the other players. The challenge begins, and people are running all over the place. By the time Ali gets to Kelly’s table, the guys have already loaded her down, and in a blinding flash, she figures out how “us-versus-them” really works on Biggest Loser 5. In fact, in the whole twenty minutes, no man ever puts a food item on another man’s table. Amazingly, all four guys carbo-load during the event by taking bites from the food items they are carrying. Well, Bob told them to eat more carbs! As time expires, one wonders if Kelly’s table will buckle under the weight. Finishing sixth is Kelly, with a whopping 15,061 calories on her table. Not faring much better is Ali, with over 14,000 calories. Ali is upset that the guys ganged up on the women. I say that although she was out of the house for a while, she’s been back long enough to see how things are. In a cameo, Roger has no sympathy to send to her pity party. Dan and Mark have a little over 5,700 and 5,600 calories, respectively, but the other boys are about 1,000 calories better. By 415 calories, Jay wins the $10,000. He’s planning on taking his wife on a vacation. The way it worked out, the ladies actually determined who would win the prize. Bob has recorded a video to suggest that if you’re going to a sporting event, take your own food. Peanuts and bun-less hot dogs are the best of the usual options available for purchase. Avoid cotton candy and ice cream at all costs.
Alison offers Jay a one-pound pass for his $10,000. Jay agonizes over his decision. Ali tells him he doesn’t have to announce his decision until the weigh-in. Dan suggests to Jay that he’s due for a bounce-back week and probably won’t need the pound, so he should keep the money. Talking with Kelly, Ali is still upset the way the game is going. She’s sure the Blue team is handing Roger the $250,000 prize. She decides to form an alliance with Kelly. Bob the trainer hears about Jay’s windfall, and then hears about the offer. Bob directs Jay to take the one-pound pass. Jillian hears how the guys were snacking during the challenge. She says, “It’s sad that they’re not growing in the ways that they should be,” and, “They’re repulsive to me right now.” Jillian reminds us how a pound sent home both Bernie and Brittany. Roger and Jay are discussing what Jay should do about the pass. Meanwhile, they are all eating massive subs. Roger jokes with Jay that he should take the cash, but then honestly tells him that this season, the price of a pound is $10,000 and he should give up the cash. Personally, I think Jay has such a small chance of winning the game, he should just take the cash. But I’m a mercenary little devil, so maybe that’s not the right decision. Roger and Jay come into the kitchen to find Bob reviewing their food diaries. He’s very happy… because this is really a commercial. You can’t possibly care, so let’s move along. It’s last-chance workout time. Jillian moans, “Just for once, let these girls have some small taste of victory.” I recall her singing a different tune last season when the shoe was on the other foot. Irony means more than “similar to the 26th element on the Periodic Table!”
Bob has decided that to foster teamwork, all four will do exactly the same last-chance workout. In one cameo, Dan’s confidence over their prospects of victory is bald-face cockiness when he says “The Blue Team is going to remain four strong. We’re not going anywhere. Whoever gets in our way, whoever tries to stop us, then they have to go.” Jillian does a promo for drinking water. No, not designer bottle water, just tap water. Besides stifling hunger, it is important in flushing out lactic acids and prevents dehydration. We’ve reached the point in the show when Alison meets the teams in front of the big faux scale to announce the weigh-in results. The trainers are not around this time. First, Jay has to declare his decision – and he’s decided to spend the cash to gain a pound. The vacation for his wife will just have to come out of existing funds. Here’s how the big board read after all results are posted.
Congrats to Ali for setting the new pre-finale mark for female weight loss at 85 pounds. The previous best was Isabeau from last season, who had lost 81 pounds. As the weigh-in completes, Alison notes that the women took the top two spots in the weigh-in. Mark and Dan are below the yellow line and up for elimination. It’s the first time for Dan, and the first time for Mark as an individual. As usual, they have an hour before voting. The ladies are quietly enjoying their moment. No one yells, “Pride!” The guys are all weepy, especially Dan. Jay ought to be weeping the most, as he burned $10,000 for a pass he didn’t need! Some calculations of mine… if Jay had kept the cash, his loss percentage would have been 2.43%, which would have kept him safe. Of course, he couldn’t be sure how things were going to transpire. Still, that’s got to hurt a little… or, more than a little! Dan drops in on the ladies to see what’s up and weep for them. Trust me, they know… they’ve been down this trail a couple of times themselves. Kelly tells us Dan’s a good kid, but Ali knows he’s a threat to win. Sometimes this season’s voting has been emotional, but I can’t imagine there’s any doubt about this one. Jay says that this time, he’s not writing his brother’s name down, no matter what. As an unsolicited refresher, we get a rerun of some of the crying so heavily featured the week Mark went home. Spare me! It’s time to vote. Ali’s up first, and votes against the obvious threat of Dan. Kelly’s next, and she goes the same way. Roger makes it unanimous, although even if he didn’t, Jay would certainly have sealed Dan’s fate.
Some tearful hugs, one last (I hope) “Pride!” chant, and then Dan is gone. On video, Dan says he came here as a kid with his mom. Now, he’s experienced a lot and can accomplish anything he wants. Arriving home the next day, Dan is greeted by family and friends. Mom Jackie says she can see how much he matured in the time after she left at the ranch. I’m guessing that excludes the tattoo! Jackie next tells us that after two weeks at home, Dan moved to L.A. to further his musical career! We also learn that Dan has now lost a total of 125 pounds from his first day at the ranch. My Opinion: They made the right choice. Dan was a threat. Plus, once entertaining, he was getting cocky, feeling they couldn’t lose and it was okay to eat during the challenge. Meanwhile, the women showed they are still fighting hard. Can they do it again? There are a few players in the game who don’t have a lot of big numbers left in them, I think, and the final four might contain a surprise or two. Join me here next week for a recap of all the latest action, sprinkled with my own reactions and opinions. Let me know what you think about it all at the eAddress below. More at home with popcorn than push-ups, Brian can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email! Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find out about some other popular shows at our Survivor: China and our Dancing with the Stars page; and don't miss The Reality TV Hall of Shame. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store! For more news about this show, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: The Biggest Loser! |