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Biggest Loser 5: Couples, the Finale – My Kingdom For A Pound!by Brian Towers -- 04/16/2008
Last time: Other stuff happened, but the only one that matters is that the final elimination vote was taken out of the hands of the players and left to “America” to decide via an Internet vote. 
Right off the top of the show, series hostess Alison welcomes us to the finale and tells us it’s been almost six months (in real time) since the ten couples first came to the ranch. She adds that the third finalist will be revealed shortly. Unfortunately, voiceover guy takes over. Supported by a big graphic and a week’s advertising on CBS, he promises the third finalist will be announced in the first five minutes. He then derails that by launching into a video recap of all four finalists’ time on the show. It includes the clip where Jillian earnestly tells the camera, “I have waited five years to see a woman win this thing!” I’m bored with all this old news, so instead I updated my list of players still remaining in the game:
The recap extends past the five-minute mark and then we go to commercials, so this doesn’t bode well for whoever’s planned this out. Eventually, Alison resumes control and gets the boys on stage, albeit one at a time. Both Roger and Mark look thinner than ever. When asked how they feel abort America’s vote, both comment that they will be fine with the decision. Mark comments that if it weren’t for twists, he wouldn’t even be in the game at this point, so he’s in no position to complain. Alison reveals that millions voted, and the voting margin is less than 100,000 votes. And at 8:11, we learn that it’s Roger who will stay in the game! Huh? I might have to revise my comments above; Ali’s chances just took a hit. I can only surmise that America decided to reward Roger’s record weight loss over Mark’s personal evolution. It’s interesting to note that had the ladies been permitted to cast the final vote, this is NOT the way the game would have progressed. Mark takes the news well, reminding us he’s already benefited from an earlier twist. Alison tells Mark that he is eligible for the consolation prize, and segues to introducing the runner-up teams. First up are those players eliminated as couples. Brown Team wife Mallory has the best makeover, but even though she never had the body mass to win, I am most impressed by the radical changes to White Team wife Alison. Every time a contestant first comes on stage tonight (including those we’ve already seen), they have to fight their way through a bigger-than-life picture of themselves from day one that’s covering the entrance. The paper seems a lot thicker this year, and I bet Bob arranged it so he could tell who hasn’t keep keeping up with their strength work! Next out are the rest of the eliminated players. They are brought out as teams, rather than the order they were eliminated. Mom Jackie and strangers Bernie and Brittany look great, but footballer Trent seems to be the biggest winner in this group. Alison tells us that Paul cannot be here, he’s too ill to make the trip from Florida. He’d been doing pretty well, down 70 pounds at the “comeback” weigh-in, so that’s too bad. Alison next directs questions to some random members of the group. First is Mark, who she calls, “You big crybaby!” Everyone laughs; then he gives his now-standard answer about the game providing emotional growth for him, especially during his brief time away from the ranch when he realized he had been too focused on game play and was squandering a great opportunity. 
Alison next asks Bernie if it was about the money for him. Initially, yes, but the real reason he signed up was to change his life. Bette-Sue is asked if she’s more nervous than her daughter. The answer is confusing, but I think she is saying they are both plenty nervous. Curtis is prompted to retell the tale that he needs to get down to 238 pounds for insurance reasons. But we’ll have to wait to see how that came out. We next see a series of clips from the four remaining players about how nervous they were to be leaving the comfort zone of the ranch and going home. Roger likened it to a little bird leaving the nest. The next scenes are of the players arriving home to many hugs and tears. Ali tells us, “Fear will never stop me again,” and predicts that this year, pink will be the color of the biggest loser. Her mom Bette-Sue tells us, “I’m SO proud of her. It was worth all the humiliation I had to go through!” In Florida, Kelly is overwhelmed by the support of her friends and family. She feels she has a chance to be the first at something, to be the first female Biggest Loser. Over in Texas, Roger is greeted by a restaurant full of proud, cheering friends, and shares a football analogy with us I’m not going to bother typing out. The last ones brought out on stage are the trainers, Bob and Jillian, who are lucky enough to walk through a doorway not covered by a picture of themselves looking really fat. They exchange hugs with most of the competitors. Alison has to call the trainers to their positions so they can begin the weigh-in (and get this done within the two-hour timeframe).
The eliminated contestant with the top loss percentage wins a $100,000 prize. As the weigh-in proceeds, when each competitor is announced, we first see a short video clip of their back-story, perhaps to remind us who these folks are. Trust me, you’ve either seen it or read about it here before, so let’s move on. First weighed are players eliminated as teams, and then the others are weighed in the sequence the first member of their team was eliminated. So in that order, here is possibly my snazziest, most impressive rainbow chart of the season to show how everyone did:
In what is certainly a popular result, effervescent Bernie finally tops Mark for the $100,000 prize – by all of two pounds! He cries with joy so much, we may have to make him an honorary Kruger brother! It’s also good to see that Curtis should be able to get his insurance now. Action shifts to tape of our final three at home. Ali tells us she is struggling with her food choices and in pushing herself in the gym, and has developed frequent urges for frozen yogurt in the middle of the night. Kelly reports that an injury surfaced in the last week she was at the ranch and it turned out to be a herniated disc. She’s been told that if it gets worse, it could be crippling, but she doesn’t feel she can quit at this point in the game. Perhaps the key words in that sentence are “crippling” and “game.” There are times when the Good Lord just wants you to sit down and have a slow cup of coffee!
Meanwhile, Roger speaks of the pressure of trying to keep losing weight. He has hit a plateau he can’t seem to get past, and seriously fears he’s running out of time. Hostess Alison asks Bob about such plateaus. Bob says that one has to realize that this is a lifestyle adjustment and not just a quick fix, and plateaus will crop up. “Think of it as one day at a time,” he advises. Alison next asks a pooch question; she asks Jillian why she wants a woman to win. She says it’s not about the title, but about saying to all the women out there, “Make ‘impossible’ your favorite word. Welcome the challenge, because when you bring your heart and your mind to your intention, there’s nothing that you can’t accomplish!” That’s not a bad suggestion for guys, either. More clips of our trio at home follow as hostess Alison tells us they were only home for about six weeks, the least time they’ve ever allowed. The math seems a little off somewhere, but let’s push on. We see a scene of Roger taking sub sandwiches to his young son’s school’s “Lunch Buddy” program, so they have a healthy lunch. Predictably, it ends with a “Pride!” shout. Kelly has found she can work out to some degree despite her injury, and feels she is getting some results. And in the Arizona desert, Ali feels she’s working out for all women to be the first female Biggest Loser. All three are working hard, and we are even treated to the view of Roger decorating the inside of a trash barrel by expunging his lunch. This season, there has been a feature associated with the show I haven’t bothered writing about. Called the “Million Pound Match-Up,” viewers were challenged to register with the show online, get a partner, and then combine to lose a million pounds as a group. Alison reports that the objective was achieved, with total weight losses of 1,129,347 pounds being reported. The duo of “Markus and Amber” is identified as “the grand prize winners,” but I’ll be hanged if I know what they did or what they won. So… let’s move along… It’s time to bring out the finalists. First out is Roger, whom we’ve already seen. He says he trained every day like he was going to be a finalist, because he would never want to find out he was a finalist without having done his best.
Next out is Kelly. Kelly is looking fine and smiling huge. Prompted by Alison, she says, “I’ve definitely given this to a Higher Power,” and, “I know I gave it my all, every time.” There was stuff in the middle, but even the closed caption person couldn’t make sense out of it. Alas, details of God’s plan for Kelly must remain a mystery. Finally, we see the new Ali. Ali is tiny, except for some sexy biceps. She’s stoked about her chance to become the first female winner, but knows there are three contenders on stage. Alison asks Roger if he feels pressure representing America. Please, tell me she doesn’t write these posers herself! He says he does, but he’s excited for the opportunity. Kelly is asked about a woman winning the game. She says things might be stacked against them, but if anyone can do it, it’s her or Ali. I should point out that everyone was wearing street clothes up to the last commercial, but are now wearing stylish Biggest Loser gym gear. So THAT’S what the commercials are for! As the biggest loser on campus, Ali won the right to set the weigh-in order. It’s Roger first, then Kelly, and then herself. Again, each mounting of the scale is preceded by more video. Maybe some is new, maybe not, but it’s time to push on to the results – and here they are:
Ali wins, and handily! Hostess Alison shouts at the top of her lungs, “Ali is the first female Biggest Loser! Go hug your mother!” Roger lost 20 pounds after he went home from the ranch and cracked the 200-pound barrier. Kelly lost another 16 pounds, while Ali, close to being in danger of going TOO far, dropped an additional 13 pounds at home. Both women increased their total loss to more than 100 pounds. Impressive, all! As the confetti falls, the show abruptly ends with no time left to talk to Ali. Like that last round of questions and video served any purpose whatsoever? Or that the first result we were promised in five minutes instead took ten minutes to deliver? Shameful! Next Season: Yup, there’s more coming. It appears the theme is “Families.” Be very afraid. Viewing Note: Ali will be a guest on The Ellen Degeneres Show show on this Friday, April 18. You’ll need to check your local listings for the time – mine have it listed at seven different times, with start times ranging between 10:00 AM (EST) and 8:00 PM. The 4:00 PM timeslot seems to be the most popular, though.
My Opinion: This was a long season – we saw over 30 hours of material! About the only ones airing a longer season are Big Brother and Major League Baseball! Not all of it was warranted, and the steady growth of filler material, faux-forced delays at the weigh-ins, and product placement featurettes was not welcome. Case in point: between the time Alison brought out the finalists in their gym suits and the time the confetti fell, due to stale recap video, unnecessary filler questions, and an interminable number of commercials, an astounding 17 minutes passed. Thank God there weren’t four of them! My heartiest congratulations to Ali, who absolutely deserves this win. She beat them all… Mark, Roger, and even Bernie. Now, Ali and Mark… go eat a sandwich, you’re both too thin! Finally, my grateful thanks to those who took the time to share their thoughts with me via email this season – your efforts are appreciated! Do let me know what you think about it all at the eAddress below. More at home with popcorn than push-ups, Brian can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email! More at home with popcorn than push-ups, Brian can be reached at uncle_bto@rogers.com. He’d like to hear your opinions and promises to respond to all serious email! Be sure to sign up for our e-mail update so you can stay informed about new articles on the site! And take a look at the rest of the site. You can find out about some other popular shows at our Survivor: China and our Dancing with the Stars page; and don't miss The Reality TV Hall of Shame. You can even buy reality show stuff at our Reality TV Store! For more news about this show, be sure to check out SirLinksALot: The Biggest Loser! |